Sports
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Vince ‘Back in My Day’ Carter Becomes 1st Player in NBA History to Play in Four Different Decades
If Vince Carter was a wine, he’d be a Château Lafite 1869 or perhaps a 1947 Cheval Blanc: universally revered while gracefully aging in Nancy Pelosi’s wine cellar. But he’s not a wine, he’s an eight-time NBA All-Star, who at 42-years-old is still somehow doing shit like this: On Saturday, as ESPN reports, the future…
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The NFL Working to Improve Diversity in Its Coaching Ranks
While the National Football League has plenty of diverse talent on the field, you’d be hard-pressed to see that reflected in the sidelines. The New York Times reports that in the 2019 off-season the number of minority head coaches shrunk from eight to four. When it came to general managers that number went from four…
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Former NBA Commissioner David Stern Dies at 77
David Stern, who was notably the commissioner of the National Basketball League for over 30 years, has died at the age of 77. The New York Times reports that he was hospitalized earlier this month due to a brain hemorrhage and had to undergo emergency surgery. Stern was the fourth commissioner of the NBA, taking…
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Rutgers Women’s Basketball Coach Offers Condolences to Family of Don Imus, Who Infamously Referred to Team as 'Nappy Headed Hos'
We are such a forgiving people, aren’t we? Rutgers women’s basketball coach C. Vivian Stringer offered her condolences to the family of late radio shock jock Don Imus, who infamously called her Scarlet Knights team “nappy-headed hos” during a broadcast in 2007. On Tuesday, the longtime coach read from a prepared statement at a postgame…
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Dolphins' Cornerback Xavien Howard Arrested for Domestic Battery
Xavien Howard, a cornerback for the Miami Dolphins, was arrested late Sunday night on domestic battery charges. The South Florida Sun-Sentinel reports that according to police, Howard and his fiancee engaged in a verbal argument over a purse Howard purchased that she was not aware of. The argument turned physical when he grabbed both her…
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In What Should Come as a Surprise to No One, LeBron James Named Associated Press Male Athlete of the Decade
Over the course of the last decade, all LeBron James has done is collect three NBA championship trophies, been named Most Valuable Player the same amount of times (bring his total to four), and lead the Cleveland Cavaliers, the Miami Heat, and—barring a catastrophic collapse this season—the Los Angeles Lakers to the playoffs. He’s been…
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Le’Veon Bell Refuses to Give NFL More Blood for ‘Random’ Drug Testing
If Le’Veon Bell really sticks to his guns, the NFL may have better luck getting the blood of Yeezus. In November, the New York Jets running back vowed not to give the league any more of his blood specimens. On Friday, he posted on Twitter that he found a notice in his locker saying he…
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Clowns Recognize Clowns: Antonio Brown Working Out For The Saints
You just really have to admire the NFL’s dedication to clownery. What else can explain Antonio Brown’s possible return to the league? NBC Sports reports that Antonio Brown is working out for the New Orleans Saints as they head into the playoffs. Brown seemingly confirmed this news after he posted a picture a workout waiver…
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You Can’t Make This Up: Italian Soccer League’s New Anti-Racism Campaign Features…Monkeys
If I was hired to create an anti-racism campaign for a sport with a serious racism problem, the absolute last thing I would do is plaster monkeys all over the damn place in an effort to make my point. But because we live in a world fraught with poor decisions from painfully obtuse white people,…
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Nigerian Immigrant Eloquently Explains Why He’s the ‘Real American’ After Breaking MAGA UFC Fighter’s Jaw
A bombastic, Trump-supporting mixed martial arts fighter is desperately hoping that doctors can make his jaw great again after a “Nigerian Nightmare” smashed his MAGA mandible to smithereens, much to the dismay of xenophobic Ultimate Fighting Championship fans. The main event at Saturday’s UFC 245 featured a matchup between Kamaru Usman, nicknamed “The Nigerian Nightmare,”…