Could Someone Tell Tropicana Jong-il Jr. He Won’t Fare as Well in Politics as His Terrible Father?

Donald Trump Jr. (Derek Blair/AFP/Getty Images)
Donald Trump Jr. (Derek Blair/AFP/Getty Images)

Donald Trump Jr. is an asshole. He has the intellectual curiosity of a dead sewer rat, the political sensibilities of a racist Twitter egg and the charm of a spider bite. He comes across as the kind of person Richie Rich punched in eighth grade. The sort of prick who, when hearing “Niggas in Paris” blaring, wants to interrupt the moment by blabbing about why can black people say “the word” and not him. There are also teases of Ebezener Scrooge, the younger years, in him.


Basically: Everything about Donald Trump Jr. is fucking annoying.

So when reports surfaced that Tropicana Jong-il II has been contemplating a run for governor of New York, the laughs flooded out as heavily as all of the stupid things that typically fall out of his mouth.


According to the New York Post’s Page Six, Junior recently revealed the plans to members of an “elite gun club.” Elite, y’all. According to the site’s source, “Don Jr. said he is interested in running for office, such as governor of New York, but the position of mayor of New York would be less interesting to him.” Likewise, Junior added “that he didn’t want to be one of 100 senators, nor a member of Congress.”

Somewhere, members of Congress are climaxing.

However, this isn’t the first time Junior has professed an affinity for politics and an interest in seeking office.

In July 2016, Junior appeared on CNN’s State of the Union and was asked if he would consider running to be New York’s mayor against Bill de Blasio. “I never like to rule anything out,” he answered. “We always like to keep our options open, so if I could do that as a service to my country, I would love to do that.”

The question hadn’t flown out of thin air. Junior’s appearance came about a week after he spoke at the 2016 Republican National Convention. Some were impressed by his remarks, but that probably had more to do with the speaking slots being filled majorly by people we’d never heard of and whom most of us would never care to hear from again. Not to mention, it was Junior himself saying, “People are saying, I should run for office.” Like his father, Junior has a knack for quoting “people” when those “people” are probably only the voices in his head.


So, sure, Junior managed to form coherent sentences with energy onstage at the Z-list-heavy RNC, but it’s been Tropicana Jong-il’s son himself really stoking the chatter.

That’s why he added during that same CNN appearance: “Well, you know, listen, I had a good time up there. I’m really frustrated with what’s going on in this country. If [running for office] is how I can pay back and give something back … but, right now, I’m more concerned with getting my father in there.”


Funny enough, in a new Wall Street Journal/NBC 4 New York/Marist Poll, 81 percent of registered voters in New York oppose an Ivanka Trump mayoral ticket, while 80 percent oppose a run by Junior.

Thing is, for all of 45’s faults, he is a skilled performer. Being on television all of those years proved to help offset whatever else he lacked as a political novice. He is a terrible human being, but he can be engaging and, in years past, somewhat comical, in a village-idiot fashion. It doesn’t excuse his other poor character traits, but it’s hard to overlook how his talent as an entertainer helped give way to a stunning victory in the 2016 presidential election (coupled with racism, sexism, xenophobia and American stupidity, of course).


Junior isn’t his dad, and that’s why he doesn’t have the range with respect to launching the kind of political career that he believes he can. If there is any Trump kid to worry about helping to create a Trump political dynasty, it would be Ivanka Trump. Ivanka is not entertaining like her father, but she is the sort of woman the Republican Party would nominate and, arguably, the sort of woman this country would elect as its first female president. I can see her poll numbers changing, but not so much for her tacky, white-supremacist-retweeting brother.

Although she is receiving a lot of criticism for her complicity in the monstrosities of her daddy’s administration, frankly, I can just as easily see her scamming her way through a fake mea culpa on national television. By the way, for all the talk of boycotts against her products, sales of Ivanka Trump’s fashion label are up—hugely, in fact. Remember, beloveds, black women save the Democratic Party each and every time, but the kind of white women who buy Ivanka Trump products are the same ones who so often screw us all with a Republican administration.


Many of us may not be convinced by Ivanka Trump’s answers to CBS’ Gayle King about her lack of public condemnation of her father’s bigoted policies, but the rest of the country may be falling for it or, at the very least, can likely be conned by her in the future. Donald Jr. is an obnoxious twit through and through. No one is voting for one of the villains in Wall Street if he can’t even amuse them.

So, as much as Junior wants to boost his natural profile for a run at governor, good luck booking that election you speak of. No one likes you, you smug sum’bitch.

Michael Arceneaux is the author of "I Can't Date Jesus," which will be released July 24, 2018 by Atria Books/Simon & Schuster, but go ahead and pre-order it now.

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His grown sons are so, so unattractive. Ugh.