Completely And Utterly Ridiculous Racial Slurs For Black Americans, Ranked


I'm not quite sure what "jigaboo music" is. Or what it would sound like if I heard some of it. (Drums and the sound of watermelon being cut?) Ohio news anchor Kristi Capel, however, is aware, and it apparently sounds like Lady Gaga.


Capel has since apologized, claiming that she didn't know what the word meant. And, you know what? I believe her. There are so many words in our lexicon that stem from America's obsession with finding creative ways to describe and degrade Black Americans that, unless you're specifically invested in this type of etymology, it's hard to keep up with them all. I mean, every one knows what nigger and coon are supposed to mean, but what about toilet swimmer? Did you even know that was a thing? And that it refers to the stereotype of Black men having large penises? (Basically, they're so long that they sit in the water while we're taking shits. Hence, toilet swimmer.)

Anyway, some of these slurs are completely and utterly ridiculous. Actually, I misspoke. All of them are completely and utterly ridiculous, but some are a bit more out there than the rest.

10. Nigger Apples

Technically doesn't belong on this list, because it refers to an object (watermelon) instead of a person. But still, I had to include it. Because how can you have a list of ridiculous racial slurs and not include nigger apples? (And also because I want some watermelon right now. Seriously, who — Black, White, whoever — doesn't want some watermelon right now?)


9. Street Cheetah

As far as ridiculous racial slurs go, this one is rather lazy and uninspired. And it actually doesn't seem that insulting. It sounds like the coolest street gang in West Side Story. You're telling me you wouldn't want to join the Street Cheetahs and rock matching Street Cheetah jackets to bowling alleys and empty baseball fields?


8. Jigaboo

Even if this word wasn't racist, it sounds like it should be racist. Like "hiphugger" and "pikachu" and "moist."


7. Moon Cricket

Yeah, moon cricket would probably offend me more than nigger would. You call me a moon cricket, I'm setting your car on fire.


6. Leprecoon

Is supposed to describe a Black Irishman. Because there definitely needed to be slur for the seven Black Irishmen on Earth.


5. Jackamammy

According to the racial slur database (Did you know there was a racial slur database? The internet is amazing.), this is a combination of jack rabbit and Aunt Jemima. It also sounds like something you'd use to hammer a nail so it wouldn't split the wood.


4. Eggplant

Never knew this was a thing until True Romance. Which is one of my five favorite movies. (And which is why what Alabama Worley said was so upsetting. Why Alabama? Why?)


3. Branch Manager

Because Black people are monkeys and swing from trees. Get it? Okay. Now that you get it, you're allowed to laugh. Cause that is funny as hell. Well, you're allowed to laugh if you're Black. If reading this while White, grimace, shake your head, and do 25 pushups.


2. Swamp Donkey

Actually feels like the perfect way to refer to Iggy Azelea.

1. Jungle Bunny

Nothing will ever be more ridiculous than both how the words "jungle" and "bunny" fit next to each other and what those words put together suggest. This is the pinnacle of racial slur ridiculousness.


Old Man Wu

*Adds Street Cheetah to my fake list of fake band names. Street Cheetah will be my side project when I take time off from Saucy Rice.