How appetizing does coon cobbler sound to you?

If your response is anywhere along the lines of, “Fool, are you out of your country mind?” you’re exactly the type of person Glemie Dean Beasley is talking about.

Advertisement

Beasley is a 69-year-old Detroit raccoon hunter and meat salesman who believes that many of us are unprepared for the potential tougher times ahead.

Branding himself “The Coon Man” in a profile with The Detroit News, Mr. Coon quipped, “Today people got no skill and things is getting worse. What people gonna do? They gonna eat each other up is what they gonna do.”

Or should I get desperate enough I could run inside of a Chinese buffet and try to steal as much food as possible. I’ll just hope the owner doesn’t have a gun that he uses to hunt hungry Negroes.

Advertisement

Some of you may be wondering how anyone could make a living as a raccoon hunter in a major city. Well, it’s estimated that a city the size of San Francisco can fit into Detroit’s empty lots.

It’s not just yuppies and buppies moving back into major cities. It’s Bambi, Thumper, Chip ‘n Dale, Master Splinter, and a host of other wildlife, too, apparently.  

For those turning their noses up at the idea of eating nature’s leftovers, the Coon Man added:  “Coon or rabbit. God put them there to eat. When men get hold of animals he blows them up and then he blows up. Fill 'em so full of chemicals and steroids it ruins the people. It makes them sick. Like the pigs on the farm. They's 3 months old and weighing 400 pounds. They's all blowed up. And the chil'ren who eat it, they's all blowed up. Don't make no sense.”

Advertisement

He actually has a point there as I’ve spotted fifth graders who look like they can bench press more than me.

There is an ongoing debate as to whether or not Detroit will serve as a model of the failed American city that others will ultimately follow.

Detroit’s experience is unique, however.

Although the city is currently enjoying the attention it’s receiving from hosting this year’s Final Four, the decline of Detroit has been written about as far back as 1961.

Advertisement

Is there a risk for other American cities to suffer the same fate as Detroit? Yes, but will there be millions of us grabbing pistols and heading to the backyard to round up some supper?

I’m guessing no, but if your only means of getting food was to grab a rifle and hunt for raccoons and rabbits, would you do it?

I have to admit that I’ve eaten fried rabbit before. I hate to perpetuate a stereotype, but the taste reminded me of chicken.

Advertisement

Don’t judge me.

Send letters about your experiences dealing with the recession to therecessiondiaries@gmail.com.

Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him on Twitter.