Can Someone Tell Apricot Idi Amin That Obama Was on Vacation, Not Worrying About Him?

Pete Souza/The White House via Getty Images
Pete Souza/The White House via Getty Images

Can someone explain to y’all’s punk-ass president that former President Barack Obama has been far more focused on tanning and swag surfing than riling up protesters who don’t need help hating his hateful, raggedy self?


I would volunteer, but I imagine Omarosa would swoop in on the call and curse me out in the name of White Nationalist Jesus.

During an interview on Fox & Friends, that terrible morning show on the de facto state TV news network, Apricot Idi Amin blamed his predecessor for the town hall protests that have occurred across the country as Republican lawmakers try to dismantle the Affordable Care Act—which many of those imbeciles are only now realizing is the same thing as Obamacare. No. 45 also expressed his belief that Obama is responsible for the media leaks that have followed his ruinous first month in office.

During the interview, which aired Tuesday morning, 45 said of the protests, “I think [Obama] is behind it. I also think it’s politics. That’s the way it is.”


As far as the leaks are concerned, 45 argued, “Some of the leaks possibly come from that [Obama supporters] group, you know, some of the leaks, which are really very serious leaks, because they’re very bad ... in terms of national security.”

In the same interview, when asked to grade himself, 45 told the caffeinated sycophants, “I think I get an A in terms of what I’ve actually done, but in terms of messaging, I’d give myself a C or a C-plus.”

I’ve got an F and a U to hand him.

This is what happens when a Twitter egg manages to crawl from the Reddit and YouTube conspiracy-video comment sections all the way to the White House. Up until very recently, former President Obama and former first lady Michelle Obama have been on vacation.


Here is People magazine’s reporting on their 1 percent and well-connected vacation:

The Obamas headed to Palm Springs, California, where they enjoyed a brief stay at the Rancho Mirage home of James Costos, ambassador to Spain and Angora under President Obama, and Los Angeles–based interior designer Michael S. Smith, who redecorated the White House while the Obamas lived there.

Their stay in the States was short and sweet, and after leaving the desert city on Monday morning, the couple touched down at the Terrance B. Lettsome International Airport in the British Virgin Islands at 8:47 p.m., according to the Virgin Islands Daily News. They then reportedly made their way to Virgin Group founder Sir Richard Branson’s private island retreat by motorcade and boat.


In other words, the Obamas were being treated by their wealthy friends who presumably pay their contractors and don’t run fake schools for quick cash.

The day before this interview aired, 45 spoke at a meeting of the nation’s governors and claimed, “Nobody knew health care could be so complicated.” Hillary Clinton knew that in the 1990s. Barack Obama certainly knew it when he rolled out a new health care program. Republicans surely get that, given that for all their pledges to repeal, their plan amounts to nothing more than a sheet of paper that reads, “Give my rich daddy those tax cuts.”


Plenty of people knew that; so the notion that Obama needed to hop on his cellphone from the beach to help trot out protesters in the reddest of states to yell at Republican lawmakers for trying to strip them of health care without so much as a half-filled bottle of Robitussin as a replacement is as dense as just about anything else that comes out of 45’s mouth.

Now, when it comes to leaks, ohmigod, bitch, everyone in the intelligence community hates you because you keep trashing what they do while lying your weird, wig-wearing head off. Of course they leak things to the press. Does 45 really think Obama has to hit folks in between taking rum shots with Michelle to make those folks spill?


For the love of Beyoncé, does no one in that White House tell that man anything reminiscent of reality?

That said, Obama is coming for that charlatan in the boxy suits, but not in the way he believes.


Just this week, former Attorney General Eric Holder revealed that he’s been speaking with Obama about ways in which he can assist the new National Democratic Redistricting Committee, which Obama asked Holder to chair last year. The goal of the NDRC is to help tackle the Democrats’ gross disadvantages in terms of state legislators and representation in Congress because of gerrymandering.

According to Holder, Obama is open to fundraising and interacting with state legislators to help with the mission of the new organization.“It’s coming. He’s coming,” Holder said. “And he’s ready to roll.”


In a perfect world, Obama would hear 45’s shots and respond with a seven-minute-long diss track that dragged his lumpy self up and down the Eastern Seaboard. Regrettably, that’s not Barry’s style. Whatever the case, while he may be ready to roll in due time, he’s been on vacation.

So, sit tight, Russian chew toy and wait your turn, and keep Obama’s name out of your well-done-steak-breath-having mouth.

Michael Arceneaux is the author of "I Can't Date Jesus," which will be released July 24, 2018 by Atria Books/Simon & Schuster, but go ahead and pre-order it now.

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The dude has been at it all morning - it’s like he used up all of his normalcy when he addressed congress.