Cam Newton (Al Bello/Getty Images)

I want to give Cam Newton the benefit of the doubt and assume that his Instagram post, which includes his college mug shot photo, is a treatise about the youth of today learning from their mistakes. I want to assume that the IG post is about the trials that LiAngelo Ball is facing from his reported shoplifting spree in China, and Newton’s arrest for the theft of a laptop during his time at the University of Florida. I want to believe that Newton is sending positive vibes and energy to those coming up behind him, but there is only one problem: I can’t read that shit Newton wrote on the post because he has his Migos lock on.

Seriously, WTF is this?

I mean, there are tildes and dots and dashes and shit all in his text. It looks like Newton went into a time machine and created Instagram, but because he was stuck in 1985, he could only post using a Commodore 64 keyboard connected to a 13-inch black-and-white television that only got local channels. If someone can decode this foolishness, please leave it in the comments below because looking at his chicken-scratch font is making me violent.