Another week of football is officially in the books. Let’s get to it.
Cam Newton is going through it, y’all.
If you thought he looked like trash against the Broncos in Week 6, he somehow outdid that putrid performance this weekend against the 49ers. During a brutal 33-6 curb-stomping that extended the Patriots’ losing streak to three games—and just so happened gave them their worst home loss since Bill Bellicheat became coach—Cameron Jerrell Newton looked like the second coming of JaMarcus Russell. So much so, that after treating the New England faithful to a wondrous display of inaccurate passes and erratic play that culminated in three interceptions and a nauseating quarterback rating of 39.7, Bellicheat finally had enough and benched his ass in favor of Jarrett Stidham.
Hell, Cam has been so bad that even former Pats safety Lawyer Milloy made it a point to call a thing a thing and dig in Cam’s ass.
You hate to see it, but the world is a much better place when the Patriots (2-4) are trash.
Yes, the object of the game is to outscore your opponent. But in some instances, it’s actually in your best interest to secure a victory by doing the exact opposite.
To that end, in the final moments of the Falcons game against the Lions, Todd Gurley had one goddamn job: run out the clock so the team could kick a short field goal from 10 yards out and finally win their second game of the season.
But nope! This happened instead:
Gurley’s goofy ass accidentally scored a touchdown, which gave the Lions the ball back with over a minute remaining...and you already know how this ends. Matthew Stafford then engineered an eight-play, 75-yard drive that concluded with the Falcons punching the air and crying in the car on the way home.
Yup, the Falcons (1-6) literally gave away a 23-22 victory. Because that’s what the Falcons do.
“I was trying not to [score]. My momentum took me in,” Gurley pled after the game. “It’s kind of crazy, the last time I played Detroit, I went down. This time I end up scoring. It’s like what goes around, comes around.”
“It’s one of them unfortunate situations. I’ve been, I mean, plenty of those situations my rookie year, six or seven, and I’ve always got down. It was an unfortunate one right there.”
Unfortunate is one way to describe it. Stupid might be another. All I know is that the Falcons have now lost fourth-quarter leads in three of their six losses this season and if I was a Falcons fan, I would just defect to another sport entirely.
After stinking it up in the first quarter (0/5, 0 yards and an interception) against the Bengals, Baker Mayfield went supernova and finished the game with 5 touchdowns, damn near 300 passing yards and a quarterback rating higher than Method Man (135.6) to escape with a 37-34 win. Most importantly, he executed when it mattered. Down four points with 16 seconds left on the clock, look at this pass:
Even though he’s a fucking coward, the white boy did damage and deserves his due. Especially considering all the criticism he received after a tumultuous sophomore season in 2019.
But while the Browns are off to their best start since 1994, Sunday’s win came at a steep cost. After Mayfield’s interception in the first quarter, Odell Beckham Jr. injured his left knee attempting to chase down a defender. He would miss the rest of the game, and on Monday morning OBJ’s fate was sealed.
“Odell Beckham Jr just text me that his ACL is torn and that his season is over,” ESPN’s Josina Anderson tweeted.
As the news began to circulate, other players and fans offered their condolences to one of the best receivers in the league.
It’s a devastating blow to a team already without Pro Bowler Nick Chubb that’s finally clawing its way up to respectability.
Yes, Joe Burrow, Tyler Lockett and Budda Baker did the damn thing on Sunday, BUT NIGGA DID YOU SEE WHAT THE FUCK D.K. METCALF DID?!!?!?!?!
Look at this shit!
After Baker snagged an interception and proceeded to haul ass for what should’ve been an easy 98-yard touchdown, Metcalf chased Baker’s ass down like he found his girlfriend going through his phone and gave him the hawking of a lifetime.
“I was running, and next thing you know, I see big 14 coming after me,” Baker said afterward. “He got me. That’s the first time I’ve ever been hawked in my entire life.”
Goddamn. Wow. I knew I loved this game for a reason.