Black Dating: Love, Fear, Pressure and Bridezillas


In a blog entry at The Root DC, Nicole Moliere writes about the unflagging misperception that all single black women are desperate to find a mate. It's time to flip the script, she says.


I once wrote that “family” is the original “F” word, but when it comes to dating and relationships, another word that could vie for the title is “fear.”

For single African-American women, the pressure to create a pair bond and get married can be relentless. In fact, the pressure is so strong, I sometimes get the suspicious feeling that everyone else out there is more afraid of us being single and having options than we are.

What is everyone so afraid of?

I went on a date recently with a ruggedly handsome, intelligent and funny guy. It was a great night, filled with stimulating conversation, laughter and, in the end, high-quality intimacy. Is it my intention to exclusively date or eventually try to marry this guy? No. Why? Because I have the emotional muscle and maturity to understand that our backgrounds, entanglements and existing commitments preclude us from that kind of a connection.

In other words, I don’t want to marry every man that I date. I can enjoy a gentleman’s company without feeling the pressure to explain why he and I are not monogamous or why I’m not devising Operation Bridezilla in order to get hitched to him.

Read Nicole Moliere's entire blog entry at The Root DC.