Parishioners at a Texas church were shocked to discover their parking lot filled with crimson-necked, pickup-truck-driving, Confederate flag-waving MAGA cyclists who had hoodwinked the house of worship into hosting a Blue Lives Matter rally on Communion Sunday.
Suggested Reading
Friendship-West Baptist Church (no relation to Kanye) in Dallas is not just a place where saints and sinners can go to get a guaranteed response when they turn to their neighbors and say “God is good all the time…” The church is active in the fight for justice and equality, even displaying a huge “Black Lives Matter” banner above the entrance. But on Sunday, they were unexpectedly participating in a Blue Lives Matter rally that was either in support of Dr. Manhattan, Smurfs or the less than .2 percent of police officers who were convicted of an on-duty police killing between 2005 and 2015. (Smurfette was fine, though.)
“Today we experienced deceit and hate from a group of individuals in support of Blue Lives Matter” explains a statement on the church’s Facebook page. “An individual contacted us in need of meeting space for a Black Lives Matter Rally. In support of the movement, we agreed to allow the Black Lives Matter Rally happen in our parking lot.”
But according to KHOU, the rally turned out to be a “Back the Blue” rally that was part of a 127-mile trek organized by auto enthusiasts, motorcycle groups and 10 Dodge Ram pickup truck clubs that paraded around the Dallas-Fort Worth Area to show their support for law enforcement officers who are under fire for disproportionately killing black people.
I feel like anyone who belongs to the Texas Ram Club or the North Texas Jeep Club—two of the groups who sponsored the 127-mile cruise—keeps a Confederate flag and a MAGA hat in their glove compartment right next to their beef jerky. And you know they were blasting that devil’s music on the church grounds. This is why the Devil went down to Georgia—because those Waylon Jennings motherfuckers in Texas were too racist for Satan. Where is Walker, Texas Ranger when you need him?
“The rally turned out to be a Blue Lives Matters meet up where individuals flew Trump 2020 flags and a Confederate Flag,” the statement from Friendship-West Baptist church statement continued, “Once we realized the deceit and false information, our staff and Senior Pastor, Dr. Frederick Douglass Haynes, III. immediately asked the individuals to shut it down and leave... This event was only able to happen because of deceitfulness and lies and in no way reflects the mission and ministry of Friendship-West Baptist Church.”
My favorite part is the black woman who walked into the valley of the shadow of rednecks by herself to let Hades’ angels know they had to “get thee behind me”—or at least get their asses out of Jesus’ parking space.
Instead of turning the other cheek, the True Saints of God showed up to confront the NASCAucasians cruisers. Black folks who didn’t even attend the church showed up to lay hands on the Confederate devils, including State Sen. Royce West, Dallas County Commissioner John Wiley Price and Concord Church pastor Bryan Carter, who collectively suggested that the Dicks of Hazzard leave before they raised an offering of “that smoke.” After all, the pastor’s name is literally Frederick Douglass. And he was wearing Kente cloth, so you know he wasn’t there to give a testimony!
Nathan Abrams, the organizer of the racist flag-waving caravan was genuinely apologetic when he discovered that Black people didn’t like the Trump signs and the white supremacist symbols, KHOU reports:
“We wanted to have a place where we can have a pit stop at where everyone can rest,” Abrams said. “My heart goes out to the church, my heart goes out to the pastor.”
Leaders from the church and the Blue Lives Matter rally both acknowledge that there were several political flags and at least one Confederate flag.
Abrams said the event grew larger than they expected and outsiders brought those flags to the rally. He remained apologetic.
“I want to personally say to the members of that church and the pastor that I’m sorry that there was conflict,” Abrams said. “That was not my heart, that is not what I’m about.”
The white people eventually left and, as the sound of Waylon Jennings blasted in the distance, Friendship-West held their own rally through the streets of Dallas to denounce the Trump train.
“They better be glad I wasn’t there,” said Jesus, when asked for comment.
“Y’all know what I did to those money lenders in the temple,” added the Lord and Savior…
“Imagine what I would have done to racists in the parking lot.”
Straight From 
Sign up for our free daily newsletter.