When you’re a kid, your parents are the first people you go to for guidance and the ones who are supposed to instill the confidence you need to tackle the world. But how can it affect the way you grow up when the person who loves you is insecure about themselves? Well, one woman on TikTok shared her experience growing up with a mom who didn’t love her skin, and it’s an upsetting truth.
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Biracial and White-passing content creator Alexis Rivera (@itsnoellebabe) recently posted a video talking about her experience growing up with a mom who was insecure about her blackness. In the video, Rivera explains the difficulties she had navigating her relationship with her mom, who hated the fact that she didn’t have white skin like her daughter.
“She (Rivera’s mom) hated being Black so much that she hated me for being White. She would constantly point out the differences in our skin tone. She would tell me that I was lucky for being so light. She would tell me that she wished she could be as light as I was… She would tell me things like she was sorry for giving me my hair texture. She was sorry for giving me such strong features, such a strong nose.”
As the video continues, Rivera adds that despite the way that she grew up, she did her best to connect with her Black heritage and culture.
“Because she (Rivera’s mom) hated being Black, and I was White and leaned into my Black heritage and was unashamed of it, and the way that she tried to teach me to be, she felt like I was wasting a gift by leaning into it.”
Studies show that colorism and anti-Blackness are issues that affect more Black families than you might realize.
Lori L. Tharp, Black mom and author of “Same Family, Different Colors: Confronting Colorism in America’s Diverse Families,” stated in an interview with Embrace Race, an online resource for parents raising children of color, that she didn’t realize the effects of colorism until she became a parent.
“My experience as a parent was deeply influenced by this concept of colorism, that is not something I really had a lot of experience, or a lot of conscious experience with, although when I went back to think about my childhood, I realized that both of my Black parents had their own upbringing that was influenced deeply by colorism, and therefore it trickled down to me.”
A 2008 study in the National Library of Medicine added that Biracial children have a harder time knowing how to identify and are often influenced by their family. Therefore, growing up in a family that hates their Blackness could lead to a Biracial child growing up with internalized racism.
Though Rivera, the Tiktoker, shared her truth about her mother’s issue with being black, not all the comments were convinced by what she had to say, writing that they don’t know a Black woman that isn’t proud of her skin and heritage.
“I’ve never met a black woman that didn’t love being black, no matter how hard their lives were,” wrote one user.
Other users questioned whether Rivera’s mom is fully Black, adding screenshots of her mom, who has light skin, that they had found on her page.
“Is your mother biracial?” asked one user.
Taking the issue of colorism and anti-Blackness in mind, TikToker commenters explained that Rivera’s story shouldn’t be so hard to believe.
“Black women are not some aliens. We are capable of all human emotions. People need to stop acting like this is unbelievable,” wrote one user.
“Why do people find this so hard to believe, as if colorism isn’t a huge issue in the black community???” asked another.
“I had a very similar experience with my mom. She is still like this and resents that I don’t try to pass as white,” added another.
“It’s funny to see people not believing her story because my mother is very similar. She is not as extreme but has never been happy to be black. The way she talks about herself is heartbreaking,” commented another.
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