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Black News and Black Views with a Whole Lotta Attitude

Ben Carson Writes Anti-Critical Race Theory Fan Fiction for Fox Snooze and Calls It an Op-Ed

Who knew Carson's hatred for wokeness is why he always looks and sounds like he's falling asleep?

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Image for article titled Ben Carson Writes Anti-Critical Race Theory Fan Fiction for Fox Snooze and Calls It an Op-Ed
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Black conservatives really only exist to parrot narratives for white conservatives. They almost never have an original thought of their own, so they willingly sit on the hands of Republican puppeteers and serve as their “Black friends” who will tow their false narratives with pre-approved platitudes and language vague and substance-free enough to convince right-wing rubes that they’re smart negroes who know what they’re talking about.

Ben Carson—the retired neurosurgeon who somehow Forrest Gumped his way to becoming the 17th U.S. secretary of Housing and Urban Development, despite having zero experience in housing or urban development—is the king of useful negro puppets. He’s the sultan of sunken places. He’s the commander-in-shuck-and-jive. In Republican Game of Thrones, he’s Lord Bojangles of House Negro.

On Monday, Carson penned an op-ed piece for the cotton-picked branch of Fox News denouncing Critical Race Theory as a “divisive ideology” that “seeks to replace the traditional American value of equality of opportunity with a regime that assumes all White people are racist oppressors and labels all racial minorities as victims.”


First of all, let me just say, you people should be thanking me for reading this whole thing so you don’t have to. Carson writes the same way he speaks, and he speaks like he’s never quite sure if he’s awake or currently in a coma dreaming he’s at a podium. (And to be honest, none of us are ever really sure either.)

If you do decide to read it, you could make it into a drinking game by taking a sip every time Carson makes a straw man statement. (I recommend Mike’s Hard Lemonade or some weak shit like that, otherwise, you might die.)


You would already be taking your first drink at the above quote, as CRT does not teach that “all White people are racist oppressors” or that “all racial minorities” are victims. As The Root, scores of educators and literally every expert on CRT have tried diligently to explain, CRT is a study that examines how race affects the law and other structures and institutions. It has fuck all to do with racism at the individual level.

“Growing up poor in Detroit, if I had believed, as critical race theory (CRT) proponents claim, that my destiny was based on my race, I would not be where I am today,” Carson began in his piece titled “Fighting critical race theory—this is how we stop this blatantly racist ideology.”


Again, no part of the teachings of CRT claims anyone’s destiny is based on their race, and, of course, Carson doesn’t bother citing anything to show otherwise. But Carson doesn’t actually need to prove a point by providing evidence or even bringing anything new to the discussion; he just needs to say the thing through negro lips that white people have been saying—also without backing their claims up with any semblance of substance or evidence.

It really just goes on like that for around 900 words or so:

While the classical Marxism from which CRT was born focuses on class conflict, CRT substitutes class for race, wholly ignoring the demonstrated failure of Marxist ideologies – unlike the people of Cuba who are protesting against Marxist failures at this very moment.

CRT’s focus has primarily been the classroom, but it’s also gaining momentum in board rooms, corporate trainings, and even the U.S. military – which is now suffering a lack of wartime readiness as a result of an excessive focus on CRT.

Another distinguishing characteristic of antiracism and CRT proponents, besides the fact that they engage in blatant racism, is that they blame all racial disparities on racism. This is an assertion that is not supported by the evidence.

Research has shown that factors such as the presence of a stable two-parent family, educational choices and economic prosperity, among others, account for the large bulk of observed racial differences, rather than the boogeyman of racism. Thus, CRT and antiracism are founded on racist, conspiratorial drivel.

The results of this extremist ideology have been devastating. The massive rioting in Portland and other parts of the country, whose damage has made them the most costly riots in U.S. history, are the fruits of a generation raised on racial grievance indoctrination.


Carson didn’t provide a single link to what “research has shown,” nor did he bother backing the claims that CRT blames all racial disparities on racism or that the military “is now suffering a lack of wartime readiness.” (Seriously, how do you say something like that while not being a military commander or even a veteran without linking to something to substantiate the assertion?)

He also made claims of “massive rioting” without providing proof or mentioning studies from last year or this year that indicate Black Lives Matter protests have been largely peaceful.


Another interesting tidbit regarding Carson’s article is, despite its title, it actually doesn’t at all explain “how we stop this blatantly racist ideology.”

Unless his grand solution was to basically rewrite the same paragraph nine times and call it a CRT-killing op-ed, it really seems that in his conclusion, he believes CRT and other anti-racism teachings are already circling the drain.


Here’s how Carson ended his off-brand Wonder Bread-ass convoluted diatribe:

But if there’s any silver lining in the Marxist’s aggressive zeal to force CRT on our communities, it’s that their efforts are waking up the nation like few issues in recent memory, mobilizing citizens around the country to engage school boards and local governments to remove racist conspiracy theories like CRT from schools, businesses and government.

This renewed engagement could be a promising first step in eroding the decades-long dominance of Marxism in American education.


I hope you all have been as bored with this pulled-out-the-sunken-place-of-Carson’s-ass bullshit as I have been.

Now everybody drink.