-
Piers Morgan Is Allowed to Say ‘Nigga’ if We’re Allowed to Smack the Pumpkin Spice out of Him When He Does
Caucasoid Pez dispenser dipped in a vat of rancid Hellmann’s Piers Morgan asked and answered the world’s most disingenuous question yesterday in a column that addressed a clip of University of New Hampshire sorority girls singing along to Kanye West’s “Gold Digger.” Morgan, a flaccid portmanteau of Alfred from Batman and dead Andrew Breitbart, blamed…
-
Types of Black Privilege, Ranked
20. Just got a fresh shape-up yesterday and everyone’s treating you like you’re a half-inch taller than you actually are privilege 19. While some niggas have to dip themselves in a vat of Palmer’s 3.5-ounce Cocoa Butter Formula every morning just to leave the house, you somehow just never get ashy privilege (an underrated privilege)…
-
Is ‘Moist’ the Worst Word in the English Language? (Hint: Yes, Yes It Is)
Of the various reactions to that “black men are the whites of blacks” thing I wrote and shit yesterday, the most entertaining negative comments have been those that include the word “moist.” I’ve been, in the last 24 hours, a “moist man,” a “moist-ass motherfucker” and a “moist feminist,” and someone said something about me…
-
The Faces of the Zimbabwean Delegation Listening to Trump Speak Are the Blackest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe is a terrible person. He’s stolen elections, he’s bankrupted the country’s economy, he’s murdered citizens and his wife beats models with extension cords (???), and the world will be a better place when he’s dead. (Speaking of which, he’s 93 years old, but don’t allow that to give you hope, because…
-
Straight Black Men Are the White People of Black People
It feels counterintuitive to suggest that straight black men as a whole possess any sort of privilege.
-
This Belly Flop Contest Into a Pool of Mayonnaise Is the Best-Ever Example of ‘That’s Some White-People Shit’
It’s hard to assign an accurate definition for the oft-employed phrase “That’s some white people shit” because, well, the best-possible definition is located within the phrase. “That’s some white people shit” literally means, “That’s some shit so exclusive to whiteness that it deserves its own phrase.” But, also, it’s easier to list things that would…
-
Anika Noni Rose’s Patience With Cicely Tyson Is the Blackest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
The Emmys began last night with a skit featuring disgraced former White House press secretary Sean Spicer, a clear reference to Melissa McCarthy’s brilliant impersonation of him on Saturday Night Live, and an act in which the consequencelessness of whiteness has never been better exemplified. Whatever hope there is that the people connected with Donald…
-
Who Gets Your Vote in 2020: The Night King or Donald Trump?
Perhaps the most depressing part of Darth Cheeto’s reign in office is that unless he’s impeached (which could but probably won’t happen), arrested (which could but probably won’t happen), quits (which could but probably won’t happen) or dies (which … no comment), he will run again in 2020, and I’m not confident that anyone would…
-
Is Lawrence From Insecure Trash? An Important Debate
It’s a question that has dominated the conversations about Insecure, both on Facebook and Twitter and at happy hour and game nights. Of course, Lawrence wasn’t the main character on the show, and Insecure featured several other compelling storylines, but there seems to be a consensus about each non-Lawrence character and subsequent character arc. Molly’s…
-
White House Calls for ESPN to Fire Jemele Hill for Telling the Truth About Y’all’s Triflin’-Ass President
During a press briefing this afternoon, sentient Mein Kampf audiobook Sarah Huckabee Sanders suggested that ESPN should fire Jemele Hill for her recent tweets about Darth Cheeto, continuing the trend of people on the right declaring everyone else to be snowflakes and then melting like a snow cone in a dumpster fire whenever someone dares…
