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Floyd Mayweather Jr. Didn’t Beat ‘Racism,’ He Just Beat a Racist White Boy (and Made Him Rich)
Of the myriad justifications for 1) witnessing the sham “fight” between Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Conor McGregor and 2) finding joy in the serial domestic abuser’s win, the worst is that Mayweather’s pummeling of Caucasian Jidenna was some sort of existential victory for blackness. “They” lost last night and “we” won. Of course, this distinction…
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Taylor Swift’s Stale and Unsweetened Lemonade
From Kellyanne Conway and Tomi Lahren to the whole “53 percent of y’all voted for Darth Cheeto” thing, this has not been a particularly good year for white women. Collectively, they’ve undergone a bit of a cultural reckoning, as there has never been a hotter spotlight on their role in propagating, nurturing and fighting to…
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10 Signs You’ve Just Met a Black Person Who’s About to Tell You ‘I’m Not Like Other Black People’
1. You saw his Facebook profile, and his latest status read, “I’m not like other black people, because I watched Frasier.” 2. You read one of his tweets, which read, “The black kids in my high school didn’t like me because I wore Vans and listened to Linkin Park.” 3. You’ve met other people who’ve…
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There’s a Serious Hennessy Shortage in America, and It’s Actually Donald Trump’s Fault (Seriously)
Hennessy is a criminally overrated cognac. I maintain that it’s actually more fun to say “Hennessy” than it is to drink it. Because Hennessy tastes like ATM runs at 3 a.m. Hennessy tastes like puddle water and penitence. Hennessy tastes like it should be called “Omarosa.” But overrated doesn’t mean unimportant, since it exists as…
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Why Prerinsing Dishes Is a Dumb and Stupid Thing No One Should Ever Do, Explained
No. Dishes are trite and boring. Dishes are staff meetings and Drake’s tattoos. Dishes are the dishes of dinnerware. It’s an entire explainer about prerinsing dishes. Which is an important distinction. There were bad people … on both sides. Imagine you’re sitting on some sort of seating device, holding a plate filled with food on…
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Magical Negroes, Ranked
20. Candyman from Candyman (was definitely a Magical Negro—just had misguided magic) 19. Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost 18. Whoopi Goldberg on The View 17. Hitch 16. Uncle Ben 15. Olivia Pope 14. Shaq (and not Shaq in Kazaam, but just Shaq, generally) 13. Anthony Mackie in The Adjustment Bureau 12. Djimon Hounsou in everything 11.…
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20 Things White People Ruined Already This Year
1. Tiki torches 2. Teacups 3. The solar eclipse 4. The Dunk King finale 5. Van Jones 6. Think pieces about Trump voters 7. Sheet cake 8. Avocados 9. Rally permits 10. Fried chicken 11. Tristan Thompson 12. Emojis 13. The name “Nkechi Amare Diallo” 14. Martin Luther King Jr. 15. Bottles of Pepsi 16.…
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How ’Bout This, Tina Fey: Give Us (Black People) the Sheet Cake, and You Go Confront the White Women Who Voted for Trump
I’m going to keep this short, because it’s Friday evening and I have shit to do.* I generally like Tina Fey. She is one of my favorite people in comedy. And I did laugh at her sheet-cake bit. Even if the premise was all fucked up—more on that in a minute—the actual jokes (aside for…
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If You Voted for Trump, I Don’t Give a Shit if You ‘Surely Regret It’ Now
I’m certain we’ll see more reflections like Julius Krein’s “I Voted for Trump. And I Sorely Regret It” in the coming weeks and months. This week alone, we’ve watched Fox News become of a bacchanalia of teary epiphany, and we’ve witnessed a parade of prominent Republicans twist themselves into logical origami denouncing Donald Trump while…
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The Most Racist Statue in America Is in … Pittsburgh, and It’s the Most Ridiculous Magical Negro You’ll Ever See
There are times, like when watching footage of what happened in Charlottesville, Va., that racism bombards the senses like a virus, leaving your skin sore, your soul hardened and your spirit fatigued; a disillusioning, full-body wizening that disrupts, destroys and (occasionally) ends lives. And then there are times when the racism is so scenery-chewing and…
