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Lloyd Austin Confirmed as America’s First Black Secretary of Defense
By a vote of 93-2, the Senate has confirmed Lloyd Austin to be the next Secretary of Defense and the first Black man to serve as the chief of the Pentagon. “Austin’s confirmation follows Wednesday’s Senate confirmation of Avril Haines, who became the first woman to the lead nation’s 18 intelligence agencies as the director…
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Biden’s Pen Game Is on Ballpoint, Signs Executive Actions to Increase Food Stamps and Speed Up Stimulus Money
It’s like the Notorious B.I.G. said: President Joe Biden kicked in the door waving his Bic and then commenced to signing some shit. Bars! If you are frowning your face and saying Biggie never said no shit like that, you are right. But, it doesn’t change the fact that the statement is true. Biden has…
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Pelosi to Trump: Wait a Minute, You Thought I Was Finished? Impeachment Article On Its Way to the Senate
Oh, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, you tried it. We saw your sad ass up there trying to fight for Trump, claiming that the impeachment article filed against him so soon after leaving office wouldn’t give him enough time to mount a defense. McConnell was trying to get the House to wait until Jan. 28…
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What Do Trump’s COVID-19 Vaccine Distribution Plan and Bigfoot Have in Common? They Both Don’t Exist
In what appears to be chapter 7 of the ways in which Trump screwed over America, new President Joe Biden learned that he won’t be inheriting a coronavirus vaccine distribution plan from the former administration because there isn’t one. That’s right, the president of people who refused to wear masks and thusly continued to aid…
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Biden Is Already Draining the Swamp, Fires 3 of Trump’s Worst Appointees
One of former President Shitbag Von Nunu’s best traits was that he was notoriously bad at the mundane shit. Instead of hiring people who were qualified in their respective fields, Von Nunu placed an emphasis on loyalty over everything. In turn, he put people who didn’t know what the fuck they were doing into powerful…
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VP Kamala Harris Swears in 3 Democratic Senators, Flipping Control of Senate and Effectively Running Things
Vice President Kamala Harris’ third order of business—her first was stuntin’ on these hoes, and the second was making sure that a broke bitch had nothing to say—was making sure that she installed the last Infinity Stone to secure Democratic power. Shortly after being sworn-in herself, Harris swore in three new Democratic senators Wednesday afternoon,…
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The Return to Boredom America Deserves
The past four years of Trump’s presidency have been like living with a drug addict who is deep in their addiction. Anyone who has endured this unfortunate cohabitation knows that each day brings with it a certain unsteadiness that creates its own kind of frantic normalcy. It’s toxic and exhausting and if you stay in…
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Biden’s Plan in the First 100 Days: Stimulus Checks, COVID-19 Relief and Fixing Damage Done by Trump
We’ve had to wait four years to get an adult in the White House, and now, on the heels of the inauguration of President-elect Joe Biden, let’s take a look at the incoming president’s first 100 days in office. We can argue about the amount promised versus the amount expected to be sent out (I…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: The End Is Near
Apparently, in between stealing whatever isn’t nailed down in the White House and helping Melania pack for a long stay with her boyfriend, Trump is planning on issuing 100 pardons, and as long as he pardons himself out of America’s house, I don’t give a fuck. Oh, and he’s still looking at being impeached because…
