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Anthony ‘Mucci Mane’ Scaramucci Compared His Phone Call With Reporter to Monica Lewinsky Scandal, and She Responded
I’m not going to lie—I miss Anthony “Mucci Mane” Scaramucci. Sure, he was only in the White House as communications director long enough to microwave a Hot Pocket, but man, what a fantastic run he had. But at least Mucci Mane hasn’t gone into hiding; in fact, he won’t stop talking—or tweeting, as the case…
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How Do We Know That ‘Chicken Don’ and Donald Trump Aren’t the Same Person?
On Wednesday, a 30-foot inflatable chicken with a sweet comb-over flew high above the south side of the White House. Pretty soon, #ChickenTrump was trending on Twitter. And while it was glorious, it got me to thinking: How do we know that Chicken Don and President Trump aren’t the same? Both are full of hot…
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Robert Mueller Ain’t Playing: Former Trump Campaign Chair Paul Manafort’s Home Raided by the FBI
America’s last hope for a presidential do-over is being led by Justice Department special counsel Robert Mueller, and he’s not playing: FBI agents raided the home of Paul Manafort, President Donald Trump’s former campaign chairman, last month. Manafort, as you may remember, was one of the first in Trump’s administration to go down for possible…
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Trump Has Folder With Photos of Him on TV Looking Powerful Delivered to Him Because He’s a Child
I wish this were a joke. Seriously, I wish that the president of the White Walkers wasn’t this shallow and embarrassing, but according to a Vice News report, this dumbass has a folder full of positive cable news clippings, articles, interview transcripts, tweets and even “photos of Trump on TV looking powerful” delivered to him…
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Trump Is Clearly Trying to Start a Nuclear War With North Korea; Here Are 5 Things I’m Going to Miss When It Happens
On Tuesday, the president of back-road moonshine runners decided to have a full-on dick-measuring contest with the most unstable nation in the whole, entire world: North Korea. Think about this; North Korea is so incredibly unstable that the one American, out of the billions of Americans in existence, North Korea loves is Dennis Rodman, arguably…
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Spike Lee Promotes Colin Kaepernick Rally to Be Held at NFL Headquarters
Avid activist and famed film director Spike Lee posted information Tuesday about a rally that will take place Aug. 23 at the NFL’s New York City headquarters in support of Colin Kaepernick, the free agent quarterback who’s without a team because he protested the killing of unarmed black men, women and children by police. Lee…
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Trump Retweets Unnamed-Source Report on North Korea Condemned by UN Ambassador Because He Doesn’t Know What the Hell He’s Doing
Because Donald Trump has no clue what the hell he’s doing in office, and because no one in his staff can keep his dumb ass off Twitter, he tweeted out an anonymously sourced story (because, you know, Fox News), and within hours, United Nations Ambassador Nikki Haley condemned the same story on Fox News. Trump…
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From Ben Carson to Donald Trump: Politicians and Their Imaginary Friends
Editor’s note: We revised this post after Sen. Cory Booker’s representatives contacted us to say that T-Bone is a real person. Donald Trump has an imaginary friend named Jim. Ben Carson not only invented a fake friend, but then he stabbed his fake friend in an argument. In this new millennium, it’s become the way…
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Trump’s Bashing on Twitter Again, but Here’s What He Should Be Tweeting About
President Donald Trump might be the worst person in the world, but that doesn’t mean he has to act like it. At some point, it would be nice if the president of the United States actually acted presidential, and if that means he must use Twitter, then maybe he could spend 20 seconds (assuming no…
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Jeff ‘King Keebler’ Sessions Wants to Get Tough on Leaks Now That the President Hates Him
Attorney General Jeff “King Keebler” Sessions announced Friday that he’s going to assist in the this Milli Vanilli-ass administration’s attempts to stop leaks from the Justice Department and intelligence community to the media. “I have this message for our friends in the intelligence community. The Department of Justice is open for business and I have,…
