Auntie Maxine Snatches Jim Jordan’s Baby Hair, Tells the Ohio Rep ‘Shut Your Mouth’

Illustration for article titled Auntie Maxine Snatches Jim Jordan’s Baby Hair, Tells the Ohio Rep ‘Shut Your Mouth’
Photo: Stefani Reynolds (Getty Images)

If only Rep. Jim Jordan, a former assistant wrestling coach at Ohio State, had something to say when wrestlers were being sexually abused by their team doctor. Instead, Jordan has claimed he had no knowledge of the incidents despite several wrestlers claiming he not only knew but was aware of the running “joke” that if a wrestler needed to see the team doctor for a headache he was going to have to take his pants down.

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Well, the Ohio conservative asshole always has a lot to say whenever it involving COVID-19 and the widespread Republican conspiracy that top infectious disease expert Dr. Anthony Fauci is an operative for those who want to shut down the world and steal all the toilet paper!

On Thursday, what would’ve been a normal boring ass House subcommittee meeting about the federal government’s response to the pandemic turned into the church’s glorified saint Auntie Maxine having to check Jordan’s loud ass.

Jordan and Fauci got into a heated exchange Thursday over the country’s COVID-19 mitigation measures, which ended with Democratic Rep. Maxine Waters telling Jordan to “shut your mouth.”

From CNN:

Jordan, an Ohio conservative, asked Fauci when the nation can begin relaxing physical distancing measures and mask-wearing — posing it as a question as to when Americans will regain their freedom and liberties.

Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, started to respond that the time will be when the United States has more Americans vaccinated and has a level of coronavirus infection that is low enough that it’s “no longer a threat.”

Jordan then interrupted Fauci, asking for a specific number.

“We had 15 days of ‘slow the spread’ turn into one year of lost liberty,” Jordan said. “What metrics, what measures, what has to happen before Americans get more freedoms back?”

“You’re indicating liberty and freedom. I look at it as a public health measure to prevent people from dying and going to the hospital,” Fauci countered. “This will end, for sure, when we get the level of infection very low. It is now at such a high level, there is a threat again of major surges.”

Fauci tried to explain to Jordan’s dumbass that he’s “making this a personal thing and it isn’t.”

“It’s not a personal thing,” Jordan fired back.

“No, you are,” Fauci said, sounding exasperated. “That is exactly what you’re doing.”

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Fauci then yelled out, “Ho, if you would listen and stop fucking talking, I could explain to your dumbass!”

Wait, when I look at CNN’s report, I see that Fauci actually said he was following the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention COVID-19 guidance.

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“Right now, we have about 60,000 infections a day, which is a very large risk for resurge. We’re not talking about liberties. We’re talking about a pandemic that has killed 560,000 Americans,” said Fauci, who later said his “best estimate” would be to have the number of infections per day to be “well below” 10,000 a day.

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What Fauci was trying to explain to dumbass is that he couldn’t give him an exact date but he could tell him what would need to happen in order for America to reopen safely. But Jordan made the crucial mistake of continuing to blab his piehole when his time had expired. Jordan tried to continue yelling his dumbass questions at Dr. Fauci when the hand of God flew into the subcommittee meeting and slapped the shit out of Jordan.

“You need to respect the chair and shut your mouth,” Democratic Rep. Maxine Waters interjected from across the room.

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And just like that order was restored and all was right in Gotham.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

DISCUSSION

I just want the spirit of these white supremacists broken. Trump expiring from Covid would have been the easy way out from their nonsense, but I fear that his crazy has metastasized to a dangerous degree, where any garden variety white power wackadoo in Congress could take his place at the center of their unholy galaxy made of nothing but dark energy.