Can you imagine being an attorney for any of the hundreds of people who have been arrested for their participation in the melanin-not MAGA meltdown at the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6? Imagine being tasked with finding clever, polite and professional ways to tell a judge that your client is a fucking idiot who believed conservative propaganda that claims America is the greatest country in the world, but also one that can’t run an election without dead people rising from their graves to vote Democrat and voting machines turning sentient and deciding to cheat for President Joe Biden.
Anyway, meet Anthony Antonio—the accused Capitol rioter with two first names—whose attorney argued during a virtual hearing with a Washington, D.C. magistrate judge Thursday that his client had simply overindulged his Republican porn addiction by watching so much Fox News that he developed a serious ailment known as “Foxitus” or “Foxmania.”
HuffPost reports that Antonio’s lawyer, Joseph Hurley, told the judge that his client was laid off from his job due to the pandemic and he couldn’t find anything to do but watch conservative America’s favorite hub for flabby, mediocre white men and blonde women who don’t give a fuck about perpetuating their own stereotypes.
Apparently, nobody thought to buy poor Antonio a Playstation.
“For the next approximate six months, Fox television played constantly,” lawyer Joseph Hurley said. “He became hooked with what I call ‘Foxitus’ or ‘Foxmania’ and became interested in the political aspect and started believing what was being fed to him.”
Another Capitol defendant on the Zoom hearing, Landon Copeland, soon interrupted Hurley and objected to him disparaging the former president. (Copeland continued interrupting the proceeding over the next several hours, and the judge eventually ordered a competency hearing).
Hurley, whom the Wilmington, Delaware-based News Journal described as an attorney “known for his bravado and courtroom theatrics,” said that Antonio believed he was following Trump’s orders to march on Washington and that he was taking part in what he saw as a patriotic movement to serve the United States.
The lawyer also told the judge he’s in no huge rush to move forward with the case because he wanted prosecutors to take care of “bad” Capitol defendants before his client’s case was resolved.
It’s the caucasity for me.
Hurley doesn’t think his client is one of the “bad” defendants. Why? Does he think the other rioters weren’t also Trumpaganda followers who believe God personally squatted over the TVs in their living rooms and shat out Fox News?
The lawyer for the QAnon Shaman and Dollar General Braveheart, also known as Jake Angeli, tried the same shit, arguing that his client was a victim of Donald Trump’s lies.
Now, I know these people are just lawyers being lawyers, but I’m going to argue with them anyway because the truth must be heard.
Conservatives aren’t who they are because they watch Fox News; they watch Fox News because the network purposely appeals to conservatives who already were who they are—idiots.
More from HuffPost:
Antonio surrendered to police in Delaware last month. He was charged with five federal crimes linked to his presence at the Jan. 6 riot: knowingly entering or remaining on restricted grounds without lawful authority, violent entry and disorderly conduct, impeding law enforcement during civil disorder, disrupting Congress and damaging government property.
In several videos, he was seen among the mob at the Lower West Terrace Entrance of the Capitol building, which “saw a tremendous amount of violent criminal activity” that day, according to an FBI affidavit.
In one video captured on a police body-worn camera, Antonio shouted at officers, “You want war? We got war. 1776 all over again.”
He wore a black tactical bulletproof vest adorned with a far-right “Three Percenter” patch, a camouflage shirt, and had a tattoo of the words “Carpe Diem” on his right wrist, the affidavit said.
Antonio is accused of climbing the scaffolding outside the Capitol, entering the building through a broken window, obtaining a riot shield and gas mask, threatening police and squirting water at Michael Fanone, the police officer who was dragged down a set of stairs by rioters and repeatedly tased and beaten.
Don’t get me wrong: Fox News is basically Nickelodeon for white nationalists, and it definitely has more influence over the
dumb motherfuckers conservative viewers, but these people are adults.
Besides, if “Foxitus” is a real sickness then what’s the appropriate medicine? CNN-tezine? HuffProzac? TMXanax? The Root-bitussin?
Nah, scratch that last one. We’re not getting involved in this.