Alleged Capitol Rioter Identified After Ex-Girlfriend Shared Berating Texts Sent From the Capitol With the FBI

Illustration for article titled Alleged Capitol Rioter Identified After Ex-Girlfriend Shared Berating Texts Sent From the Capitol With the FBI
Photo: Julio Cortez (AP)

It’s been going on close to two months since the redneck Taliban attacked the U.S. Capitol building because the Republican mafia led them to believe the 2020 election had been stolen. But the FBI is still identifying and arresting people suspected of taking part in the whiney and wrong wypipo war on non-MAGA votes. A lot of these people are getting caught in ways that are—for lack of a more sophisticated descriptor—funny AF.

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Take Ridley Park, Pa., man Richard Michetti. According to NBC News, Michetti appeared in federal court in Philadelphia on Tuesday and was placed on house arrest and charged with entering a restricted building, disorderly conduct and obstructing congressional business. I bet you can’t wait for me to tell you how Park got identified.

Apparently, besides being a fake-ass revolutionary, Michetti was a terrible boyfriend. So terrible, in fact, that he allegedly took the time to berate his now-ex-girlfriend via text while he participated in the Republican rube rebellion. And his former girlfriend did what many girlfriends will do if their man isn’t treating them right: She TURNED HIS BITCH ASS IN TO THE LAW!

The unidentified woman reportedly provided the FBI with a series of texts Michetti sent while at the Capitol, including one that said, “If you can’t see the election was stolen, you’re a moron”—a sentiment often expressed by morons who think the election was stolen.

From NBC:

Court documents show several pictures of Michetti in a Chicago White Sox baseball cap, inside the U.S. Capitol, as pro-Trump supporters tried to stop Congress from formally accepting the Electoral College votes that delivered November’s election to President Joe Biden. The riot left five people dead, including Capitol police Officer Brian Sicknick.

In one of the texts outlined in the documents, Michetti wrote: “This is our country do you think we live like kings because no one sacrificed anything. he vote was fraud and trump won but they won’t audit the votes.”

Later in the day, the former girlfriend, identified in court papers as the “witness” or “W1,” seemed to push back on Michetti’s embrace of voter fraud.

“I understand your point but what I’m saying is ... the election was rigged and everyone knows it,” Michetti texted her at 6:04 p.m., according to court documents. “All’s we wanted was an investigation that’s it. And they couldn’t investigate the biggest presidential race in history with mail in ballots who everyone knows is easy to fraud.”

I love how these fools keep saying “Everyone knows it,” as if they’re on the side of popular opinion here. What they appear to mean is: “Everyone knows it...except the dozens of judges who dismissed Trump’s 60-plus election fraud cases, the former head of election cybersecurity, the former attorney general, the Department of Justice and well over 80 million motherfucking voters.”

These people are idiots. Idiots who are getting caught in entertaining ways—but idiots, nonetheless.

Zack Linly is a poet, performer, freelance writer, blogger and grown man lover of cartoons

DISCUSSION

straightoutofpangaea
The Thugnificent Pangaean

Perping with a mad spouse at home. That is grade A foolishness.