Lord, I come before you this evening asking that you grant me the strength you gave Jamie Foxx when he ended Doug Williams’ whole career. Apparently, I woke up in 2006 today because a string of recent carjackings has led an Illinois state legislator to call for Grand Theft Auto to be banned.
According to ABC 7, Democratic State Rep. Marcus Evans has placed the blame for these carjackings not on widening inequity, a historical lack of jobs and industry in predominantly Black communities, or even an the economic downturn that has come as the result of the pandemic.
Nope. It’s the fault of a franchise that hasn’t even seen a new entry in almost 8 years.
“Grand Theft Auto and other violent video games are getting in the minds of our young people and perpetuating the normalcy of carjacking,” Evans told ABC 7. “Carjacking is not normal and carjacking must stop.”
First the fuck of all: Nigga, you’re late. Grand Theft Auto V is the best-selling game of the last decade, with an estimated 130 million copies in the homes of people around the country. You ain’t stopping nobody from playing this game who doesn’t already have it.
Second the fuck of all: Tell me Marcus, how are you even going to ban the game? You know what, let me entertain this stupid-ass notion for a second. Say they’re successful and get the game off store shelves in Illinois. What are you going to do about digital sales?
You’re telling me that the state of Illinois is willing to expend the time, money, and technical know-how to block the game off of PlayStation Network, Xbox Live, Epic Games, and the Rockstar storefront? I’ve worked for the state government, and I know damn well those Windows XP-using asses ain’t built for this life.
Third the fuck of all: Don’t you have more important things to be doing? We’re in the middle of a pandemic, with a vaccine rollout that has been trash. Even when this eventually ends, we’re going to have an economic, and quite likely, psychological fallout that we’re going to have to address.
A better use of Evans’ time would be to create recovery plans that ensure Chicago’s inner city isn’t left out of the process, or addressing those underlying conditions that result in people being desperate enough to commit crime.
Instead, he pulls up with some reheated takes about some shit he clearly doesn’t know anything about. It’s stupid, a waste of everyone’s time, and as a Black man, Evans should damn well know better by now.
So in conclusion, somebody please come get they mans.