Hillary Clinton is doing it again.
You know the coy thing that politicians do when they are teasing whether or not they should run for office. The thing where they walk out into a crowd of people cheering their name and act like they want it to stop but secretly love the adoration.
Two-time loser—I really don’t know what else to call her here—Hillary Clinton is doing the thing where she’s acting like an encore wasn’t already written into her setlist and the crowd’s cheers are really what’s bringing the band back on the stage, because Hillary is actually toying with the idea of running again in 2020.
The New York Times reports that during a Q&A with Recode’s Kara Swisher, Clinton was asked about possibly running in the next presidential election. After flatly stating “no,” which received laughs from those in attendance, Clinton then added: “I’d like to be president” but noted that she won’t consider it until after the midterm elections.
Hillary needs to stop.
Then stop some more.
Turn around, stop. And then stop.
Hillary Clinton needs to play musical chairs by herself and when the music stops, she can have her choice of seats. Hillary Clinton needs to look in the mirror and tell Hillary Clinton to stand down. If Hillary Clinton is on the Democratic ticket come 2020 there should a mandatory option that allows voters to choose a box that reads “not Hillary Clinton” which allows for a mystery candidate to take the nomination should they win. At this point, if Hillary Clinton is running against a push mower, I’m ready to start campaigning for the push mower because one of these candidates will at the very least keep your grass cut.
And not even a push mower with an automatic start. I’d be willing to serve in the campaign as the person responsible for pulling that tight-ass string to start the lawnmower-in-chief every day because president Troy-Bilt would be an infinitely better candidate than Hillary Clinton.
What Hillary doesn’t understand — and maybe that’s because of her insulated life, or maybe whiteness—is that the people don’t like her either. Clinton was the other half of one of the most undesirable presidential elections in the history of America. The Root openly hated Donald Trump and did everything we could to highlight all of his atrocities during his run for the White House and the best we could muster as a campaign for his opponent was, “Hold your nose for Hillary.”
In the same interview where Hillary declared that she’d like to be president she also made an “all black people look alike” joke. Hillary doesn’t understand how remotely horrible Hillary is and that sounds a lot like the guy we already have in office.
During the interview in which Clinton noted that we can’t treat all immigrants the same, “Swisher asked Clinton a question regarding a quip that was previously made by Holder, but mistook him for the junior senator from New Jersey.”
“What do you think of Cory Booker ... what do you think about him saying ‘Kick them in the shins,’ essentially?”
“Well, that was Eric Holder,” Clinton said. “Yeah, I know they all look alike.”
This is the same problem that Clinton’s husband had in office and becoming the sideshow to Clinton’s perpetually long guitar solos. You ain’t one of us and you never will be! That joke isn’t yours to make. (Which I would love to nominate for the 2018 “We Can’t Have Shit Awards”)
The Clintons have always been the white couple allowed to sit at the black table and then don’t understand when they make a blacks-playing-basketball joke, why the whole table looked at them like they just farted. They’ve been way too comfortable for a little too long.
There are other things for Clinton to do, the first of which is to move the fuck on. At this point, Hillary Clinton is becoming Napoleon Dynamite’s uncle who wants us all to watch her throw a football over a mountain.
Her time has come and gone. If she couldn’t beat a human bag of walking afterbirth with the policy knowledge of a 4-year-old then that should say something. In fact, that should say a lot. Her base turned on her. People literally refused to vote because they considered Clinton to be the other side of the same Donald Trump coin. And while we can talk forever about Russian bots, rigged elections, voting machines that weren’t working, voter suppression, and everything else used by Trump to steal the election, the fact remains that Hillary Clinton’s time has passed her by.
Unless she reads this, Hillary will never know my opinion. But hopefully one of you can talk some sense to her over a glass of a nice Shiraz while she is taking her anti-fainting meds. Please, white people, I beg of you: Come get your girl.
Look, we all want things that aren’t going to happen. I want my 10th-grade hairline back. I also want a credit score that doesn’t look like my college GPA. But when it comes to Hillary Clinton wanting to be president, I just talked to my friend Chief and he said, “this ain’t it.”
Updated: Tuesday, November 13, 2018, 9:58 a.m. EDT:
Clearly, the gods hate us all, as on this day in the year of our lord and savior, Serena Williams, a former Hillary Clinton aide claims that Mrs. “Bring them to Heel” is gearing up for another run for the White House.
“Two-time Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton will mount a third bid for the White House, longtime Clinton adviser Mark Penn wrote in an op-ed published Sunday by the Wall Street Journal, predicting that the former first lady and secretary of state is readying a ‘Hillary 4.0' campaign for 2020,” Politico reports.
I know that there is someone out there who knows Clinton personally and reads The Root. And, I know that there is a chance that you can sit her down over some avocado toast and a craft beer named after a popular ’90s rap song and you can gently explain to her why this isn’t just a bad idea, THIS IS THE WORST FUCKING IDEA IN THE HISTORY OF IDEAS and has the potential to end the world as we know it.
Clinton’s proposed run for the White House isn’t even about saving America from the grips of the Cheetos-stained tiny fingers of the demagogue in office; this is about Clinton’s unending quest for power at all costs. This is about her ego. This is all about the Clintons.
In short: I SAID WHAT I SAID!