A Comprehensive List of Every Person I’d Choose Dinner (and Hopefully a Movie) With in Lieu of $500,000

If you spend any time on social media—which you do, of course—then you’ve seen this constantly churning conversation “starter” that asks what I suppose is supposed to be a deep, potentially soul-wrenching either/or proposition: Would you rather have dinner with rapper, business man, billionaire, entrepreneur, “hey waitaminute, ain’t that Beyoncé’s husband?”, game-spitter, Jiggaman, “his mans will shoot ya” Jay-Z or $500,000?

For the vast majority of us this isn’t even CLOSE to a debate. It’s not even a debate for Jay-Z, who presumably logged into the Twitter account for TIDAL, the streaming service he both owns and is the face of (or had somebody else do it—don’t forget, his mans will shoot ya) to weigh in on the matter. Nothing to see here; even Jay would choose the money over FaceTime with himself.

What regurgitated this conversation...again? Some wayward individual hopped on Al Gore’s Internet and attempted to justify going to dinner with Jay-Z in that way that folks do when they “get it” but the rest of us don’t—or more specifically, presume most can’t comprehend. There’s also a mini-thread of tweets, but the meat and potatoes is in the opener.

The bio for Twitter user @profwithant, the Side Hustle King, states that he is a CEO who made $45,000 in 7 months and he can show you how to do the same. Or in the parlance of Jay-Z, he can show you how to do this, son. Also, not to poo poo on his accomplishment but I’ve definitely seen more impressive statements of financial gain, real or imagined. Like would “Made $45,000 in 7 months” cause anybody to follow his steps? Most of CEO-Twitter be out here getting Ms in months, not $45,000. Again, I’m happy for him; I’m just saying if you’re going the “I get it and you dummies don’t” route perhaps its more impressive if your self-claimed success isn’t the equivalent of $78,000 a year, which is nothing to sneeze at, but where are my Ms, fam?

Anyway, Mr. Side Hustle King (if you read this, sir, grand rising) is clearly out of his gourd. For starters, the presumption that he knows more than other folks is just stupid. Even capitalist extraordinaire Jay-Z knows better than to expect to get $500,000 worth of game from a conversation with himself. If you want to forego $500,000 to soak up knowledge and expertise, why not just go to business school and make some genuine, real networked connections that might land you a job that puts you in position to do so? What is Jay going to do? Be so impressed that he’s going to tell Ta-Ta to open up the Big Ass Book of How He Made It and give you that one piece of game nobody else has been able to get? Doubtful. The conversation by itself is dumb, but I’m always here for a dumb-ass conversation. Always.

So instead of thinking about the fact that there’s no way in Hell, Mich., I’d sit down with Jay-Z in lieu of a big ass payday that even AFTER taxes is going to do so much more for my life than listening to Jay talk to me about...I don’t know, shit I can learn by listening to his albums, I decided to think about a list of people I might actually sit down with in lieu of the bag. Seriously, he drops all his own financial advice all up and through his albums; you can sign up for a streaming service—most are free for a few months at least—and just take notes. For instance, on “Can I Live” from Reasonable Doubt—which just turned 25—he lets you know that, “we don’t lease, we buy the whole car, as you should.” See, financial advice. His 4:44 album is full of it, especially on “The Story of O.J.” Point is, game from Jay-Z is pretty free at this point; he has a plethora of albums selling the game and telling it.

Oh yes, back to my comprehensive list. Please see below.

Thanks for coming to my PanamaTalk.