40 Signs You Just Might Be A Bougie Black Person

Illustration for article titled 40 Signs You Just Might Be A Bougie Black Person

1. You first met each of the last three people you've dated at game nights.

2. Dwayne and Whitley still matter a bit more to you than Barack and Michelle do.


3. You've been gainfully employed for some time, but no one — you included — actually knows or really understands what you do for a living.

4. You get irrationally, almost ridiculously giddy about going to Target.

5. You own more sweaters than the average person. Considerably more.

6. Not only do you know what NSBE stands for, you look forward to their annual conference.

7. You've attended a Scandal watch party.

8. In the past five years, you've been to five different continents, 15 different countries, but only three different cities in America.

9. You're aware of the difference between Sebago Docksides and Sperry Topsiders.

10. You're Greek, but you pledged as a graduate student.

11. You've used a selfie you took on top of a mountain as your Facebook profile picture.


12. You've taken a selfie while on top of a mountain.

13. While you know tons of married folks, you can count number of people in your extended circle who actually have kids on one hand.


14. You're in better physical shape now than you were at 18.

15. You've either been a guest on Melissa Harris-Perry or you've dated someone who's been a guest on Melissa Harris-Perry.


16. Even though you know you're not supposed to admit this publicly, you've watched Girls a couple of times and actually thought it was funny.

17. On at least one occasion, you got something to eat directly after leaving brunch because you spent so much time talking and drinking at brunch that by the time you finally left, hours had passed since you'd eaten and you were hungry again.


18. On at least one occasion, you got something to eat directly after leaving brunch because you spent so much time talking and drinking at brunch that you forgot to actually eat.

19. You're not quite an alcoholic. But you can't remember the last social event where you didn't have at least two drinks. And you know more than you ever thought you'd know about whiskey. Which makes you not quite not an alcoholic.


20. You strongly suspect that people like your hair/beard more than they actually like you.

21. You belong to some sort of coed sports league comprised of very fit young professionals who never actually played any sports.


22. You still prefer Facebook to all other forms of social media.

23. Every time you hear about a ULYP meeting, you tell yourself "You know, I should attend more ULYP meetings" but you never actually do.


24. When the chorus for "B.M.F. (Blowin' Money Fast)" comes on, you do the "whooop!" louder (and, arguably, better) than Rick Ross does.

25. You made certain to attend an HBCU for undergrad and a PWI for grad school.

26. You've either done or are currently doing the "long distance relationship" thing.


27. You're kinda "over" Thai food, now. (Actually, not really. You'll never be over Thai food. But you just like saying that.)

28. "Will I ever pay off these student loans?" is a much more pressing and stress-filled concern than "Will I ever get married?"


29. Somewhere in your home sits a shoebox full of business cards you refuse to throw away even though you'll never, ever, ever contact any of the people those cards belong to.

30. You have a blog. (And business cards for this blog.)

31. You still try, but you just can't get that mad anymore when your White co-workers say things like "I love your locs so much that I'm thinking about growing them myself! Do you have any tips?"


32. You own at least three bottles of wine you'll never open because A) they were given to you by a guest at a game night you hosted and B) you intend to take at least one to the next game night you attend.

33. You try very hard to convince people that you like Solange more than Beyonce.


34. Regardless of the service or situation, you intentionally overtip.

35. Although cutting/doing your own hair would be more time and cost effective, you still go to the same hood barbership/hair salon because it's the same hood barbershop/hair salon and you don't want to feel out of touch.


36. On more than one occasion, you were almost caught watching a twerk tutorial on your phone during a staff meeting.

37.  You bought your first pair of Jordans at 33.

38. You're still, reluctantly, on Kanye West island.

39. "What your undergrad degree is in" is so different from "What you actually do for a living" that you have to convince people you're not lying when you tell them.


40. Even after reading this list and knowingly nodding your head at 80% of it, you'll still deny that you're a Bougie Black Person.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)


Sigma_Since 93

I'm here for the belated birthday love since the born day was on a Sunday and the VSB community was out at the bottomless mimosa brunch.