Dennis Rodman—or the Worm, as he was affectionately known during his playing days in the NBA—just gave arguably (although I wouldn’t argue with me about this) the best piece of television of 2018.
It happened during an appearance on CNN. Rodman, who was in Singapore for the talks between a dictator-tyrant and the leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un, has the special connection of being an acquaintance of both men. Rodman is Kim’s favorite black friend—in fact, I’d argue that he’s the North Korean leader’s only black friend. Rodman also appeared on one season of Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice.
But that isn’t what matters here. On Monday, Rodman made an emotional and emphatic piece of must-watch television history. You can watch the whole thing below:
OK, now that you’ve seen it, let’s get into what makes this interview amazing.
1. Dennis Rodman looks like a ghost in blackface.
I don’t mean this in a racially charged way; I literally mean that Rodman looks like a pale ghost wearing a Dennis Rodman mask. Something looks off. I don’t know how you can look ghostly pale and mocha-colored at the same damn time, but Rodman has pulled it off.
2. Dennis Rodman is wearing a PotCoin.com T-shirt.
What most viewers couldn’t see is that under the brilliant PotCoin.com logo is the slogan “Peace starts in Singapore.” Yep, that is Rodman shilling for a cryptocurrency site that hopes to become the preferred payment method for weed transactions. Oh, and the company just so happened to pay Rodman’s way to Singapore.
3. Dennis Rodman is wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat.
A black man in a “MAGA” hat is always funny to me. It always reminds me of the Ku Klux Klan scene in arguably (again, don’t argue with me about this) one of the best movies of all time, Blazing Saddles.
4. Dennis Rodman is wearing a double nose ring.
Nothing says “Take me seriously” like a nose ring in each nostril.
5. Dennis Rodman wore sunglasses during the entire interview.
Back when the Notorious B.I.G. was popping, I had a friend who spent a bag on a pair of Versace shades. He wore those shades everywhere. In fact, he would find chances to say, “Versace shades watching ya” and then point and laugh at his glasses. It was sickening.
Once, we went to a club and he wore his shades inside the already dark club. I told him that he was going to have to take them off because he looked like an idiot. He said he needed five minutes with them on so that all the ladies could see that he had Versace shades before he could take them off. He also asked if I could help him find the bar. This is what I think about whenever I see grown men wearing sunglasses when they shouldn’t be.
6. Dennis Rodman shouted out Dennis Rodman.
Rodman did a magnificent job of stealing the thunder from Donald Trump, and that will always be amazing. Think about it: The president of the United States is meeting with one of the most hostile leaders in the history of the world, and the story is about a former basketball player’s interview.
7. Dennis Rodman said, “Obama didn’t give me the time of day.”
Rodman recounts a story of having lunch with the North Korean leader five years ago, when, he claims, he was told how the U.S. and North Korea could meet. Rodman claims that he took that message back to the U.S., but President Barack Obama wouldn’t give him the time of day. Ummm, ya think? Obama was too busy actually presidenting then to take time out of his busy day to listen to a grown man with dyed hair and two nose rings. It’s like my grandfather always said: “A man with two nose rings can’t tell me shit about shit.” OK, my grandfather never said this, but doesn’t it sound more impactful if you lead with, “Like my grandfather always said ... ”?
8. Dennis Rodman manages to cry and sound like a wrestler at the same time.
I have nothing against grown men crying; in fact, I encourage it. But Rodman does something very unique here. Go back and look at the video. The crying begins around the five-minute mark. Now really listen to how Rodman’s voice changes. He’s not only crying; he literally starts talking like a WWE star! This is impressive. Normally, crying men sound really sad, but Rodman pulls off “crying wrestling star” like a champ. He literally drops a “brother” in his speech, which would give Hulk Hogan a run for his money.
9. I don’t know what the fuck Dennis Rodman is talking about and I like it.
Look, Dennis Rodman isn’t a politician; he’s a cross-dressing former basketball player who’s loved by a short dictator with a notoriously tight high-top fade. Having him do interviews about politics is a setup; we all know this. So when CNN host Chris Cuomo asks him about the North Korean leader being the perpetrator of violence and negativity throughout his country, here’s a portion of Rodman’s unedited response:
Well, you know, Chris, uh, the fact that, you know, I’m not a politician; I’m not sitting here trying to fight the fact that I’m on his side here 24-7. I’m not doing everything right, saying the right things to make him look like a better man, a better person. I’ve never been like that. I’ve always been, like, down the middle; here it is. He’s a good friend to me. That’s what I look at. I don’t see the politics of this whole situation. I want to see that to go away. I want to see us get along, have a handshake, have a smile, have a glass of iced tea. Just talk to each other; friendly. I don’t need to worry about the war stuff, and all the stuff that’s going on; I don’t know anything about that. I just want to do one thing: bring sports to North Korea, and try to bring that connection to North Korea. That’s it, sports.
10. Dennis Rodman is being Interviewed on CNN about a summit between Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump.
We have truly reached the last days, y’all.