With the coronavirus hell-bent on keeping the entire world in a figure-four leglock, once you step outside of your crib, there aren’t a whole lot of places you can go where you’re not required to show proof of your COVID-19 vaccination.
That being said, the consequences of being busted for using a fake COVID-19 vaccination card vary from a relentless onslaught of public ridicule to up to five years in prison. So I really don’t understand why people go to such great lengths to pretend to get something that’s free-99 when you could just...oh, I don’t know...take the damn jab and enjoy the fruits of heightened immunity against a virus that’s out here ruining all our fucking lives.
Going peak Kyrie Irving is also an option, but apparently, some dumb ass named Evander Kane, who just so happens to play for the San Jose Sharks, just got suspended for 21 games without pay because he decided to unleash his inner idiot and run around with a fake vaccination card.
You can’t make this up.
San Jose Sharks forward Evander Kane has been suspended for 21 games without pay by the NHL on Monday for an “established violation” of the NHL/NHLPA COVID-19 protocol.
Sources confirmed earlier this month that Kane was being investigated over allegations that he submitted a fake COVID-19 vaccination card to the NHL and the Sharks. While the NHL and the NHLPA do not have a vaccine mandate for the 2021-22 season, vaccinated players have far fewer restrictions on them than do unvaccinated players — including the ability to play games in Canada without a mandatory quarantine.
Boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, is this motherfucker stupid. As in as shit.
Do you know how many billions of dollars the NHL pulls in a year?! Did you really think they wouldn’t do their homework on that bootleg vaccine card you bought in the middle of the mall?! Why are you out here playing reindeer games when you have millions of dollars in salary at stake?!
“I would like to apologize to my teammates, the San Jose Sharks organization, and all Sharks fans for violating the NHL COVID protocols,” Kane said in a statement that was released by the NHLPA. “I made a mistake, one I sincerely regret and take responsibility for. During my suspension, I will continue to participate in counseling to help me make better decisions in the future. When my suspension is over, I plan to return to the ice with great effort, determination, and love for the game of hockey.”
Hopefully, he doesn’t spend his suspension charging the NHL for root canals he never received. But yeah, this is all-time stupid and that’s pretty much all I got.