You Aren't Alone. The Rest of the World Is Stressing Over These Election Results Too

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Considering what’s at stake with this presidential election, I completely understand if you’ve spent the last 24 hours yanking every strand of hair from your head or have gnawed your fingernails into stubs. It’s a lot to process.


But as stressed the fuck out as we all are as votes continue to be counted in critical battleground states, we aren’t alone. The rest of the world pretty much feels the exact same way.

Take Vladimir Zhirinovsky, leader of Russia’s Liberal Democratic Party for instance, who took a break from presumably meddling with our presidential election yet again bemoaned the “anarchy” crippling America and predicted that Trump will “still emerge the winner because he’s done more for Americans than any president before him” despite facing “obstruction from the very first day.”

Konstantin Kosachev, a senator in Russia’s Federation Council who also chairs its Foreign Affairs Committee and likely spends his Saturday nights enjoying karaoke with Vladimir Putin, has been a bit more coy.

“It’s better for Russia if there is a decisive result so that the loser will not resort to claims of foreign interference,” Kosachev said while doing a poor-ass job of pretending like Russia didn’t already interfere with our 2016 presidential election. “It’s time for America to return to the politics of sanity.”

Meanwhile, in China, home of “the China virus,” you would think they’d be tripping over themselves to tell Trump to go fuck himself, but apparently cooler—and more diplomatic—heads have prevailed.

“The U.S. election is a domestic affair,” foreign ministry spokesman Wang Wenbin said. “China has no position.”


I think it’s safe to assume that Chinese citizens feel otherwise, however, as Reuters reports that Chinese social media users have been taking turns dragging us online after Trump has made it a point to claim victory despite millions of votes still waiting to be counted.

“Whether he wins or loses, his final mission is to destroy the appearance of American democracy,” a user on Weibo, China’s Twitter-esque social media platform, said on Wednesday.


There’s also Canada, where Jagmeet Singh, leader of Canada’s New Democratic Party, has every intention of hurling confetti when if Trump takes an L.

“VOTE HIM OUT,” Singh tweeted. “Trump makes the world a more dangerous place for all of us and I hope to see him lose.”


Oh shit! Me too!

On the flipside are far-right leaders in Europe like Janez Janša, Prime Minister of Slovenia, who’s pissed it’s taking so long for Trump to be deemed the loser victorious


“It’s pretty clear that American people have elected ⁦@realDonaldTrump @Mike_Pence for #4moreyears,” he tweeted. “More delays and facts denying from #MSM, bigger the final triumph for #POTUS. Congratulations ⁦@GOP for strong results across the #US ⁦@idualliance”


⁩Hopefully, somebody takes a dump in his Christmas stocking.

In Japan, Chief Cabinet Secretary Katsunobu Kato is trying his best not to tip his hand and instead has declined to speak on how the election is playing out.


“Countries around the world are highly interested in the election,” he said on Wednesday. “The Japanese government will continue to monitor the outcome and its potential implications with keen interest.”

But of all these takes, I think former Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt said it best.


“Dear American friends,” he tweeted on Wednesday. “The reputation of democracy is at stake and the world is watching. Please proceed carefully.”


He’s right. The rest of the world is absolutely watching. So let us hope and pray that we don’t fuck this one up.



Many of us, especially in countries that are allied to America, genuinely care about the plight of “normal” Americans. But it’s also true that like it or not, the US is a big deal You’ve still got the worlds largest economy, and you’re still got the worlds most powerful military. If the US goes to shit, it wouldn’t be good for the rest of us. Dented egos aside, we kind of need you to be a somewhat functioning country.