Y’all’s President Met His Russian Political Benefactor and Behaved as Expected

A mural depicts U.S. President Donald Trump (right) blowing marijuana smoke into the mouth of Russian President Vladimir Putin on the wall of a barbecue restaurant on Nov. 23, 2016, in Vilnius, Lithuania. (Sean Gallup/Getty Images)

Throughout the week, much of the very media the president of the United States relentlessly vilifies once again rewarded him by needlessly giving him the benefit of the doubt.

For starters, quite a few outlets noticeably referred to today’s meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin at the G-20 summit in Hamburg, Germany, as the first between the two. This, despite 45 mentioning repeatedly over the span of years that he met Putin. And all week, many anchors, pundits and political reporters asked silly questions about how 45 will engage Putin. Will he bring up Russia’s meddling in the 2016 U.S. presidential election? If not, is it a sign of his weakness as a leader? Would such a move further reduce America’s standing in the world?


It’s been like watching a child-left-behind-themed reboot of Ghostwriter. These are not complicated questions, and there is no point pretending otherwise in the name of “objectivity,” “balance” or whatever other bullshit phrasing used to convey playing dumb. Why would Sweet Potato Saddam tell Putin before the entire world that the United States will not stand for Russian interference in our sovereignty when he’s made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t care? If anything, 45 hopes they will do it again because, if coupled with voter suppression, surely he can win re-election.

True to form, when asked about it a day prior to meeting his Russian BFF, 45 talked in circles per his usual. You see, Russia probably interfered in the election, but we don’t know for sure because something about the Iraq War; although if they did interfere, it’s former President Barack Obama’s fault for not stopping it because he thought Hillary Clinton was going to win the election. 45 treats Obama’s sac like his personal swing, so it’s only fitting that he once again found a way to fault Obama for Vladimir’s actions.

Which is the real answer? The hell if 45 knows or, at the very least, has any will to say. I wonder what could be preventing such an admission. Let me turn on Dave Chappelle’s “Piss on You” and ponder a bit more.


Whatever the case, we know that 45 was never going to cop to Russian meddling on his behalf when he’s still trying to convince the public that he would have won the popular vote if not for 3 million to 5 million illegal voters who exist only inside that forest fire of a brain he has. Why did anyone ever bother to pretend otherwise?

So now that everyone is caught up, yes, it means that 45 is a weak leader for what many have rightfully referred to as a “dereliction of duty,” and of course, the cowardly act makes America look even smaller on the world stage.


As for their meeting, a live adaptation of Pinocchio, look at the glee in 45’s eyes. He looks ready to climax. For those who were hoping for a public scolding: Bless y’all’s hearts. 45 looked ready to ask Putin, “How do you like your eggs, zaddy?” in Russian.


The 45-Putin meeting was scheduled to last only 30 minutes but went well over two hours. What did they talk about? Well, it’s unlikely that 45 or Secretary of State Blanche Devereaux’s Ex-Boyfriend will share any real details, even if it’s easy to take notes while on one’s knees. Putin probably played 45 for the narcissistic simpleton he is as the secretary of state tapped his feet waiting for Russian sanctions to be lifted so that Exxon can cash out. That said, the Russian state-run outlet Sputnik reports that Putin and 45 discussed Ukraine, Syria, the fight against terrorism and cybersecurity.


So the Ukraine is theirs, Syria will be handled however they see fit, the same goes for terrorism and “What do you mean by ‘cybersecurity,’ comrade?”

Putin has helped installed a mindless reality star and longtime scammer as the head of state of his broke-bitch nation’s greatest adversary, but while it is fair to make him the international bogeyman, the reality is, hordes of white folks voted for 45 for no other reason than that they wanted to feel good about being white. It’s called “cultural anxiety,” but that’s merely business-casual dressing for “racism.” These people wanted to feel so good about being white that they elected a fool with no real love of America and its principles. They continue to be excused although their votes have made it abundantly clear that they love this country far less than the very “others” they believe are wrecking it.


So many of us—including the last U.S. president—have been called unpatriotic for far fewer offenses (or none at all). Yet this bloated orange soda can of a man stood among the world’s richest nations and cowered to Russia’s despot, and he still won’t be called out as the traitor that he is. I suppose I could ask why, but that would be as silly a question as wondering all week how 45 would act when he’s made his plans all too clear.

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About the author

Michael Arceneaux

Michael Arceneaux is the author of "I Can't Date Jesus," which will be released July 24, 2018 by Atria Books/Simon & Schuster, but go ahead and pre-order it now.