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Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthing ta F’ Wit. And Neither Is Hillary Clinton

Martin Shkreli, front (Drew Angerer/Getty Images)
Martin Shkreli, front (Drew Angerer/Getty Images)

A federal judge on Wednesday went straight Tiger style* on Martin Shkreli and yanked his $5 million bail after prosecutors alleged that he was harassing women online, and even trying to instigate bodily harm against former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.


The Washington Post reports that Shrekli, who was out on bail awaiting trial on charges of defrauding investors, offered his Facebook followers $5,000 to grab a strand of Clinton’s hair during her book tour.

Shkreli, facing up to 20 years in prison, has been copping all sorts of pleas to try to stay out of the clink.


“I understand now, that some may have read my comments about Mrs. Clinton as threatening, when that was never my intention when making those comments,” Shkreli wrote in an earlier letter to the judge. “It never occurred to me that my awkward attempt at humor or satire would cause Mrs. Clinton or the Secret Service any distress.”

And still, Shkreli kept it stuck on stupid, putting up more taunts on Facebook the same day prosecutors filed their motion to have his bail revoked, including this: “Lol Hillary Clinton’s presumptive agents are hard at work. It was just a prank, bro! But still, lock HER up. Spend your resources investigating her, not me!!”

He apologized, but the judge was out of patience.

“He does not need to apologize to me. He should have apologized to the government, the Secret Service and Hillary Clinton,” U.S. District Judge Kiyo Matsumoto said in revoking his bond.


The Post reports that during the trial, Matsumoto had kept warning Shkreli about speaking with reporters in the courthouse where jurors might be able to hear him. Shkreli also kept calling the prosecution “junior varsity” in front of the jurors (way to go on making them love you, dude).

Shkreli, 34, is is best-known for raising the price of an AIDS drug 5,000 percent (legal but despicable) but was convicted by a Brooklyn, N.Y., jury of defrauding the investors in his hedge funds (illegal but meh).


He is also known as the accursed who owns the world’s only copy of Once Upon a Time in Shaolin, a Wu-Tang Clan album that he purchased for $2 million in 2015, although he seems to be looking to unload it.

Maybe somebody in jail will grab some of his hair, just for kicks.

* “Tiger style” refers to the beginning words of “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthing to F’ Wit,” referenced in the headline of this piece, not the fact that the judge in the case happens to be an Asian-American female. #NoShade.


Read more at the Washington Post.

Ms. Bronner Helm is the Senior Editorial Director at Colorlines. Mouthy Black Girl. Rosalynn Carter Mental Health Fellow. Shea Butter Feminist. Virgo Sun, Aries Moon.

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Mortal Dictata

I can’t wait for the before and after prison comparison photos.

This little sniveling shit isn’t going to enjoy the big house, especially when he finds that “man who ripped off the elderly and ill” doesn’t go down well.