When a single Black woman does anything, there is a 99.9 and a half percent chance she will hear seven words from a Black man. “That’s why you don’t have a man.”
Brothers. We gotta do better. We’re starting to sound like Diddy.
Sean Combs’ former assistant Capricorn Clark told a story on the stand of his trial Tuesday (May 27) that illustrates a problem Black woman have been dealing with for years. In 2010 Combs and his assistant shared a meal Diddy’s LA home and the topic of why Capricorn doesn’t have a boyfriend comes up.
Diddy called Cassie into the room and told her to do three things: sit down, stand up and turn around. Three requests she promptly obeyed. (Yeah, it’s weird. It brings to mind the scene in “Coming To America” where Akeem had a potential bride bark like a dog and hop on one leg.)
Diddy then looks at Capricorn and says, with his whole damn chest, “You b*tches don’t want to do that. And that’s why you don’t have a man.”
Diddy probably thought he was being funny. To keep her job, it would not be surprising if Ms. Clark laughed along. But it is clear the laughter was not genuine. Otherwise, she would not have talked about it on the stand.
Let’s get clear on this, gentlemen. It is time to have a conversation about this phrase.
It’s narcissistic. Or, if you don’t like big words, let me put it like Black folks from earlier generations used to put it: you’re smelling yourself.
A Black woman doesn’t need to be with anyone, but for the sake of conversation, suppose she wants to. That doesn’t mean she should be willing to do whatever a dude tells her to earn the distinct privilege to be with him. GTFOH.
That phrase is usually uttered by men directly to a Black woman in the hopes that she might feel insecure or it is said to a romantic partner about one of her friends when the man feels insecure about her friendship with a single woman. In both cases it is, I’m looking for a better, more articulate word her…whack.
There are all kinds of reasons why a Black woman may be single. Maybe it is because Black women outnumber Black men. Or because they, on average, are more successful and make more money. Ya know, it could be that 25% of Black men, when they do go to the altar, marry someone of a different race. (Looking at you RG3.)
Or it could be as simple as Black women just don’t want to put up with narcissistic, pig-headed men who would say that like they are God’s greatest gift to humankind. No matter what, we need to retire that phrase. It is not as bad as calling a Black woman out her name. But it is mighty close.