'What's Up With White People?' and 5 Other Questions Tonight's Election Will Answer

Illustration for article titled 'What's Up With White People?' and 5 Other Questions Tonight's Election Will Answer
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Contrary to popular belief, today’s election is not about Donald Trump. It has nothing to do with a “blue wave,” or red and blue states. It will tell us nothing about America’s changing demographics or 2020.


It is all about white people.

If you’ve noticed, ever since Barack Obama left office, the term “identity politics” has become as passé as the word “lit” or the the phrase “not all white people.” That’s because pundits and political commentators only used the phrase to talk about black voters. White women who voted for Hillary Clinton were not playing identity politics; nor were the people who classified themselves as Evangelical Christians, “soccer moms” or blue collar workers.

Even though those titles were intrinsic to how they identified themselves and how they voted, they were not cast as “identity voters.” They were red-blooded Americans who voted their values. Blackness is an identity. Whiteness is a value.

Before the smoke clears from the smoldering wildfires that might take place in Georgia and Florida when white people’s heads explode, White America will have answered the following questions.

1. Is the Republican Party still the party of white people?

Candace Owens and the über-woke would have you believe black people are programmed to vote. The truth is that the majority of white people vote for the Republican Party and every other racial group in America votes for Democrats, according to Pew Research.

Illustration for article titled 'What's Up With White People?' and 5 Other Questions Tonight's Election Will Answer
Graphic: Pew Research

2. Will white Democrats in the South vote for a black candidate?

If Stacey Abrams or Andrew Gillum are elected governor, it will be the first time a black governor has been elected in nearly three decades.


Although we like to say white Republicans are racist, past elections tell us that white progressives will not vote for a black Democrat running for state office. It has been 28 years since Southern Democrats elected a black governor (and that’s only if you consider Virginia part of the South). While Tim Scott is the first African American to serve in the Senate since 1841, he was elected by South Carolina Republicans, who would hold their nose and vote for a black man before they voted for a filthy Democrat.

3. Will we get fooled again?

Remember waaaaay back in 2016 when you went to sleep early because you knew there was no way that Trump would win? It turns out America is more racist than we thought. White America balked at Trump’s racism, xenophobia and went into the voting booths and selected him anyway


So if you’re going to sleep dreaming of a blue wave, you might want to stay up for awhile.

4. Does voter suppression work?

Races in Georgia, North Dakota, Florida and Texas might come down to how successful states were at their voter suppression tactics. Generally speaking, large voter turnout means Democratic victories, which is why Republicans do better in midterm and special elections.


5. Either way, Trump’s tweets will be epic.

Will Trump say races were rigged? Will he celebrate a Republican victory? Will he distance himself from the party by midnight? Will he use the n-word?


So much remains to be seen. I’m nervous and excited.

Don’t fuck this up, white people.

Seriously, what’s up with y’all?

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.


For all the talk about how racist and backwards things are in the south, they have two black candidates for governor who are legit contenders. Where are the black candidates in the north? Northern white democrats let themselves off the hook for their racism because they were on the winning side of the civil war, but apart from that they’re just as bad as their southern cousins. I’m sick of hearing about the south v north thing, as if there’s any real difference in this day and age.