What Y’all Not Gon’ Do Is Come For Janet Damita Jo Jackson

Andreas Rentz/Getty Images
Andreas Rentz/Getty Images

Unless you live under a social media rock, you are likely aware that it was reported very recently that (as Alex Hardy refers to her) Saint Janet Damita Jo Jackson and her husband, Wissam Al Mana, have split after 5.16666667 years of marriage. You also know that Janet Jackson is reportedly worth $175 million (according to reports, natch) and Al Mana is reportedly worth nearly a billion (according to reports, more natch).


You probably also read or read somebody repeat the statements from that TMZ article about how many prenuptial agreements have length of time markers, typically 5- or 10-year points, which, once reached, delineate how much money a particular spouse will receive in spousal support, etc.

THEN you read that, much like Paul Wall, Janet had the internet going nuts because according to an ashy meme, Janet waited until the 5-year mark to cash in on a speculated ass $500 million takeaway from the entire ordeal. According to a Page Six article, she looks to maybe receive $200 million IN AN AGREED UPON agreement. Of course, the sources are "family" who maybe talk too much. Maybe.

Point is, we're all without facts. Yet, without facts, niggas jumped out the window. My timeline has been inundated with shade towards Janet for being a gold-digger that's going after buddy’s money. Janet Motherfucking Jackson, who has done nothing to anybody but give us Rhythm Nation 1814, the Janet album, beaucoup gorgeous pictures, the cutest adult laugh of all time, the Rhythm Nation 1814 mini-movie that starred a pre-Kaine Tyrin Turner, some super questionable but “aww, she tried” acting in Tyler Perry films Why Did I Get Married and Why Did I Get Married, Too?, and a basket of other kittens that we should all be thankful for.

But nope, some folks (read mainly men) decided to jump on the Janet as moneygrubbin’ woman who is out for a man’s dividends train. And since all clowns love a good parade, the suspect police was out in full force feeding each other like Gremlins after midnight.

I don’t know Janet personally. I’ve been to several concerts and if I squinted real hard, I might could make a case that she was singing to me, but I’m probably making that up. For the most part, I’m just a guy standing in front of a television screen (or tablet or smart phone) watching an artist that has been a literal part of my entire life who is befuddled, Plymouth rock landing on me confused by how idiotic so many people seem behind this. Sure there are some jokes. That’s fine; ain’t no celeb above some humor at their expense. But there are actual people, and news outlets, with fallacious accusations and whimsical non-sense rooted in abject conjecture and nincompoopery.

Janet Jackson is already rich and has been already rich longer than many of us have been alive. What she look like comin’ after the pockets of a man she clearly didn’t have to marry for money. If Janet walked away from her marriage without a dime more than she brought into it, she’d never want for anything ever again. Yet somehow, this woman worth nine figures is on some gold-diggin’, comin’ in the game on some modelin’ shit non-sense? Even the Page Six article states, quite assholishly, that due to the terms of the prenup, she'd "net" $100 million if they were married for 5-years and it would double if they had a child as if this was purely a business decision. Puh-lease. This woman had a kid at 50; that could NOT have been an easy pregnancy. I imagine she was there for the long haul but also knew that if something went wrong she and her child would be okay.


And let's be real, prenups protect both parties. But they both agreed to them for reasons.

Even more stupid is all of the reporting –and a pox on every outlet reporting about “typical” prenups in relation to Janet and Wissam’s without nary a document to support it – about their prenup. Ain’t nobody seent it. And if anybody had, it would be all over the net. You know it. I know it. But every source is quick to tell you what they believe is in it. And what family source is leaking the AGREED UPON TERMS? And for why? Yet, to quote the 754th greatest R&B group of all time, Portrait, here we go again. Even Waldo Geraldo Faldo wouldn’t be so asinine in his judgement.


Yo two hos and a bottle of rum if you get that joke.

Why don't people want other people to be great, b?

It really annoys me whenever I read and hear statements (typically by men) about feeling completely duped by the system for child support or spousal support. And don’t get me wrong, I get why we don’t think every judgement is fair, and for every woman out there just trying to get what’s necessary, you get the wife of Mike Epps out here asking for like $109k a MONTH in support and that’s just ridiculous. But every situation isn’t that one and most of the recipients of spousal support (which can be men too) are getting it for purposes of actually taking care of their life and children. As it should be.


But this rush to label women in these situations as gold-diggers or harlots who are just out to run a man’s pockets is unfair, especially in this case. Janet is GOOD money, fam. She probably still has checks she hasn’t cashed yet. She can go make more. Folks are outchea waiting for that next tour.

Point is, y’all need to lay off Janet. She ain’t did nothing to nobody but make our lives better and sometimes act in Tyler Perry movies which has the opposite effect. However, she’s also rich with long money. Stop projecting.



So Janet is catching all this flack from (broke) ninjas but nobody bat an eye at the ridiculous amount of money Mary J Bilge's ex wanted in their divorce.