You know what? I’m not even mad at the St. Cloud State White Student Union; I’m just confused. Apparently, I have been spending my time in the wrong places because I’m never around when people gang up to oppress the populace of ecru-colored martyrs.

I was involved in the Black Student Union while I was in college, but I’d love to attend a White Student Union event. Do they play pinochle like we play spades? Do they discuss how hard it is being white in Minnesota surrounded by so many other alabasterians? Are their field trips to kale farms and HWCUs? Do they throw an off-step show every year for the fraternities and sororities?


Once, at a Denny’s around 3 a.m. in Goose Creek, S.C., while watching a 52-year-old white dude mop up a drunken white sorority girl’s grits-vomit, I wondered what kind of crazy Caucasian hijinks he was involved in that led to waiting tables during the graveyard shift at a pancake restaurant, when he has every societal advantage and privilege. I mean, he was white! The throw-up girl wasn’t even with me, but as I watched him roll that canary-yellow industrial mop bucket filled with water the color of disappointment and bad decisions, I said a silent prayer for that waiter, and then I told him I was sorry.

Like I said, I am apologetically black.

The St. Cloud State Student Union Facebook page seems to be disliked by most people, and the college and the city of St. Cloud have condemned the posters. Not because they are racist, but because the signs violate the town ordinance against stapling things to telephone poles. What would they expect from those thugs?


But for the record, I stand with the White Student Union. Someone has to do it. I can’t imagine having control of the media; every part of the local, state and national government; the education system, the banking system, the economy; and politics and the entire damn country and still feeling sorry for myself like a 6-year-old who can’t get an ice cream cone because he’s already eaten too many cookies. Poor white people. It must be so hard being that fragile.

I apologize.

Read more at USA Today.