What Kind of Bootleg Braveheart Shit Is This?

Illustration for article titled What Kind of Bootleg iBraveheart/i Shit Is This?
Screenshot: Fifty Shades of Whey Twitter

White people, I have a question:

What...What...Nigga, what...What is wrong with y’all?

Let me start over.

I be trying to be nice to white people... That’s a lie, let me start over again.

WHITE PEOPLE NEED TO STOP GIVING ME SO MUCH AMMUNITION TO NOT BE NICE TO THEM!!

I don’t need to know the backstory on this one. I don’t need to know which grocery store in which Wypiposville on which corner of King Joffrey Baratheon’s America this happened in. I just want to talk about this video of this pack of caucasian pachyderms in their natural habitat of unbridled privilege stripping their face masks off and running down the aisle with their fists in the air because the revolution will surely be gentrified.

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In a video posted to Twitter, a group of people who look like they’re fresh out of 90211 (I heard that was the ghetto side of Beverly Hills) can be seen marching through a store shouting at customers to “Take your mask off” along with a bunch of other garbled white nonsense The Root could never pay me enough to transcribe.

Man, look at this shit:

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Before I go any further: Whenever I come across a story about white people who think they’re Malcolm-in-the-Middle-X going up against an oppressive regime of...medical experts who want you to be as safe as possible during an ongoing global pandemic, I feel the need to cut to this video of a white man in Florida busting his ass trying to force his way into Walmart without a mask on.

Don’t even sit there and try to front like that’s not satisfying to watch every single time.

I really just don’t understand this one. White people’s breath couldn’t possibly be so stank that they need to start an Oz-style prison riot to get away from it. Niggas ain’t even trying to look at your mouths like that. Y’all act like you got lips to show off.

Ok, that was mean. Let me start again.

Y’all remember that one time Donald Trump wore his mask? If he would just do that in every appearance people might completely forget about the fact that he has a butthole right there in the middle of his face. But noooooo, y’all ain’t bout that butthole-less face energy—y’all want to fake fight the system. Ol’ Public Emily face asses.

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Ol’ A Tribe Called Becky’n’em mother fuckers.

Ol’ Run-D.M.C.C. (Don’t Make Carol Cry) ass niggas.

Just put on the damn mask. This is so dumb.

Zack Linly is a poet, performer, freelance writer, blogger and grown man lover of cartoons

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DISCUSSION

They should have been pepper sprayed, and had their fucking asses kicked, and be banned from Target for life.