Screenshot: Twitter (Miami Dade Police Department/Dream Defenders)

Is “wronger” a word?

For instance, it would be wrong to run over a woman’s foot with a bicycle, even if it were inadvertent and the incident occurred at an event specifically for riding bikes. However, it would be wronger to respond to the accidental toe-smushing by spewing the n-word and pulling a firearm on a group of children riding bikes. The wrongest thing one could imagine would be if the aforementioned toe-rrorist attack happened on MLK Day.


Unless, of course, this happened in Florida.

On Monday, as people across South Florida participated in one of many annual “wheels up, guns down” events, a Miami man was caught on video yelling the n-word at some boys participating in the celebration, which is intended to show that there are better things to do than perpetuate gun violence, the Miami New Times reports.


In the video captured by a member of the Dream Defenders, a woman we shall call “Toe-ler Swift” pushes one of the young men she claims ran over her pink toes. The footage (see what I did there?) shows that the boys do not touch the woman as she angrily berates them, calling them a “bunch of thugs” [sic].

(Note: According to the Encyclopedia of White Words, a group of black kids is a “throng of thugs.” A group of white kids is a “wisp of WASPS” unless they are wearing MAGA hats. Then, of course, you need to see the “longer video” before you can call them anything.)


Halfway through the clip, a man carrying what appears to be a firearm emerges from an SUV. As he wields the weapon, the woman informs Captain Save-a-Toe that one of the boys ran over her foot, pointing him out to the gunman. The boys scatter while the man yells at them, calling them “dumb-ass fucking niggers” and “stupid niggers” while carrying what police later described as a Springfield XT9 automatic pistol.


According to the Miami Herald, the police later arrested Mark Allen Bartlett, who apparently had no idea you couldn’t shoot people for running over another person’s foot, totally misinterpreting Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law.

“Why am I being arrested when those kids are free to ride around?” Bartlett reportedly asked the cop who arrested him. “I did pull out my gun. But I never pointed it at them.”


The Miami Herald Writes:

“Them” are an offshoot of the #bikesupgunsdown protest movement that has become a staple in South Florida every Martin Luther King Jr. holiday. They were protesting what they see as an affordable housing crisis in Liberty Square, where a large mostly-private development is being built, by blocking part of Brickell Avenue with their bicycles.


To be clear, Bartlett never witnessed Toe-ler Swift being assaulted. None of the boys touched her. Yet he felt the need to pull a gun kids are scary.

Bartlett was charged with carrying a concealed firearm.

Although Pistol Pete Bartlett was wrong, the woman, who sicced a gun-toting man on an unarmed black child, might be wronger.


White Toes Matter.

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.

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