Very Smart Brothas
-
We Don’t Love Men Like Fabolous. We Just Hate Women
If there’s a takeaway from the revelation of and the reaction to Fabolous’ abuse of Emily Bustamante, his longtime girlfriend and the mother of his two children, it’s that there are no fresh takeaways from it. We should know by now not to allow a man’s laid-back public persona to make us assume he’s not…
-
Church Overflow Rooms: Do You Hate Them or Nah?
Another Easter, another trip to the overflow room at church. What’s the overflow room at church? It’s the room you are herded into when you don’t get there early enough to sit in the main sanctuary with the rest of the saints. Some churches, like mine, have several. Let me start by saying I don’t…
-
How Racist Would You Be if Black People Could Actually Be Racist?
One of the great disappointments in my life—perhaps the greatest disappointment, really—is that black people in America do not possess the ability to be racist. We can try our damnedest and hate our hardest, but because of the way racism works, we’ll never quite be able to wield the sought-after status of “racist.” Which, in…
-
Tekashi 6ix9ine’s Breakfast Club Interview Is Why Young People Need Mentors
For an entire hour yesterday, I watched The Breakfast Club interview with Daniel Hernandez, better known to folks under 35 25 as Tekashi or Tekashi 6ix9ine or, officially, per his recent Day69 album release, as 6ix9ine. He’s the current self-proclaimed king of New York, something that used to matter back when niggas would pull your…
-
20 Questions for the Heathens Who Refuse to Eat at Chain Restaurants
1. Who raised you? 2. No, seriously. Who raised you? Asking because I need to know who your parental figures are so I can reach out to them and tell them that they raised a child who acts like they’re too good for Burgatory. 3. What did Burgatory ever do to you, except offer delicious…
-
Is It a Coincidence That Today’s Most Outspoken Black Male Athletes Are Married to Black Women? (Hint: Nah)
In 2005, Kanye West articulated the perceived inevitability of successful black men leaving black women for white women in “Gold Digger”—a song 1) in which he was speaking specifically to black women and 2) that he created while he was likely dating either Alexis Phifer or Brooke Crittendon (actual black women). Considering Kanye’s present life,…
-
Why Do Some of You Suck So Much at Parking?
Every day I get reminders about the inadequacies of public driving instruction in this country. It never fails. I’ll come home, preparing to park my behemoth Suburban along my street—I have on-street parking—and some individual for whom parking in a neighborly way is more inconvenient than economical will put a tiny-ass car smack in the…
-
Who Said Dreams Don’t Come True? Red Lobster Debuts Lobster and Cheddar Bay Biscuit Waffles
Remember, like, two hours ago when I said that no one gives a shit about your dreams? Because dreams are so exclusive and hyperesoteric that they don’t have any real meaning to anyone else? Well, I take that all back! It’s all lies! Because I’ve definitely had dreams about waffles. And I’ve had dreams about…
-
8 Things Parents With Little Kids Are Up On That Other People Don’t Talk About at Brunch
To have children is to wade into a world of acceptable and appropriate programming and household items. Long gone are the days of blasting 2 Live Crew’s “Me So Horny” at 9 a.m. to get the blood flowing. Nope, now it’s tossing a kid an iPad and praying they’ll sit there quietly for at least…