Very Smart Brothas
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LeBron James Has a Biomechanist. Do You Have One? I Don’t
LeBron James is a freak of nature. Sure, Giannis Antetokounmpo’s (I’m not ashamed to admit I had to look up how to spell his name, gave up trying to get it right, and copied and pasted it) nickname is the Freak, but LeBron James? Bruh. It makes no sense that he’s able to play at…
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I Had a Panic Attack Last Month, and It Felt Like I Was Dying
It should be good news when you learn that the episode that brought you to the emergency room at Shadyside Hospital, which is where you drove the day after you felt like you were dying, was neither a heart attack nor a stroke. You’d suspected that what happened to you might have been one of…
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Snoop Dogg’s Gospel Album, Bible of Love, Is All Right With Me. Praise the Lord
On Friday, March 16, 2018, the good Lord saw fit to release music for the homies through his shepherd, Snoop Dogg. Pun intended. Because shepherd … and dog. You get it? Right. Snoop Dogg, aka the artist formerly known as Snoop Doggy Dogg, aka Snoop Lion, aka Calvin Broadus of Doggystyle, Murder Was the Case…
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Yeah, This Joseph Goodman Piece on Alabama’s Collin Sexton Just Might Be the Shittiest Sports Take Ever
Collin Sexton is a star freshman point guard for the University of Alabama’s basketball team. He’s so good that although Oklahoma’s Trae Young has a bigger name, Sexton will probably be picked ahead of him in the NBA draft. And while Alabama had an up-and-down season this year, that they even made it to the…
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Who Exactly Is Buying Big Baller Brand Products?
Apparently Lonzo Ball is ballin’. Forgive the lazy pun, but the word is that the first of the Ball(er)s to make it to the league and put out a shoe is making enough money to look smart for spurning potential shoe deals from Nike, Adidas, etc. According to the co-owners of the agency handling marketing…
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Days Black People Are Most Likely to Be Called the N-Word, Ranked
1. St. Patrick’s Day 2. New Year’s Eve 3. Wednesday (any) 4. Columbus Day 5. The anniversary of the O.J. Simpson verdict 6. MLK Day 7. The night of a presidential election 8. Memorial Day 9. Mardi Gras 10. Black Friday 11. Saturday (any) 12. The Fourth of July 13. The first of the month…
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The Curse of the Tiki Torch
I’m not saying that the University of Virginia will be cursed forever because of what happened last year in Charlottesville. I’m not saying that the souls of Denmark Vesey and Isabel Sanford will haunt the steps the white supremacists marched forevermore. And by “forevermore” I mean “until at least they decide to kill that goddamn…
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My Tournament Bracket Is Busted to Shit, and Now I Just Want the World to Burn
I probably watched less college basketball this year than I ever have. Actually, “probably” is unnecessary. That is definitely true. For someone as obsessed with basketball as I am, this might seem odd. But I have a few perfectly rational reasons for this lack of viewership: The second draft of my book is due soon,…
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When You Share Your Mess With the Public, the Public Will Share (and Talk About and Joke About) Your Mess. Duh!
During their now viral appearance on The Breakfast Club Thursday morning—and after DJ Envy pulled the greatest stunt of illogical beige rage since G Money in New Jack City—Kid Mero appeared to throw DJ Envy a bone. While admitting that husbands can (and should) be sensitive about their wives, he shared a story about chasing…
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Pittsburgh to Replace America’s Most Racist Statue With Statue of a Black Woman
Remember this? Please, people of Pittsburgh, I implore you. Do not topple this statue. At least, not until I drive by it again so I can hug it, take a selfie with it and maybe take it on a date, too. I just hope magical Negroes love chorizo. No, you don’t remember that at all?…