Very Smart Brothas
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Mark Zuckerberg Is a Grown-Ass (White) Man, so Stop Talking About Him Like He’s a Kid
Admittedly, when juxtaposed against the assemblage of 934-year-old white men who make up the Senate, Mark Zuckerberg’s relative youth is conspicuous, as it would also be if he were in a room with a troop of vampires, or perhaps the exhumed and propped-up bodies of Genghis Khan and—I don’t know—a fucking velociraptor. “Wow,” I would…
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What Your Urinal Stance Says About You
Hi. My name is Panama Jackson, and I’m a reliever. I’m the Mariano of the Uri-nott. I hit the restroom—public or private—and I get to that gee whiz. I’ve been pissing for about 38 years now, and one thing I’ve noticed over time is that there are lots of different ways to piss at a…
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If This Writing Thing Doesn’t Work Out, I’m Flipping Shoes for a Living
I’m not a sneakerhead in the conventional sense. I’ve never stood in a line in the cold (or hot, for that matter) for a crack at a shoe release. I’ve never entered a shoe raffle hoping to cop a pair of exclusives or waited up at night on the internet refreshing a page over and…
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US Cabinet Members, America’s Least Christian White People, Have a Regular Bible-Study Group
I grew up in a Christian household. Both of my parents were raised Baptist, and they raised me as one, but I wouldn’t quite say that we were practicing. We didn’t go to church very often, and we mostly just prayed before eating and while hoping that the Pirates would win the pennant. And while…
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Dear White People: If a Memorial Dedicated to Lynchings of Black People Makes You Uncomfortable, Good
On April 26 of this year, the Equal Justice Initiative will open both a memorial and museum in Montgomery, Ala., dedicated to the victims of lynching in America post-Civil War. The memorial is called the National Memorial for Peace and Justice, and the museum is called the Legacy Museum: From Enslavement to Mass Incarceration. Both…
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With ‘Nice for What,’ Drake Celebrates Some of Our Faves and Shows Us Why He Keeps Winning
I read somewhere that Drake had a song releasing on Friday night. We all know Friday as Cardi B Invasion of Privacy day, so it almost seemed rude for Drake to drop a song, but it’s Drake. After he just gave away almost a milli in the video for “God’s Plan,” I’m willing to give…
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20 Words and Phrases White People Just Ain’t Allowed to Say
We already know about nigga/nigger, but there are more! Really, no one—white, black, Kappa, etc.—should ever say “ghetto” again, ever. Nothing at all, now that you’ve said that. Is officially on the list because too many black people use “ninja” as a substitute for “nigga,” and all popular “nigga” substitutes are banned from white mouths.…
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10 Keeping-It-Realisms People Say That Mean Absolutely Nothing
I know a lot of creatives (and am one myself), so I’m no stranger to folks answering questions like “What’s been up?” with exciting but meaningless statements about all of the shit we’ve been up to. Shit, I always make sure to answer that question as if I’m a rapper who is about to release…
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10 Reasons the N-Word Is the Greatest Word in the English Language
1. Because “nigga” rhymes with a shitload of things, which comes in handy during freestyle rap cyphers at 3 a.m. at IHOP. 2. Because it can be any part of speech you want it to be—a noun (“Pass me that nigga”), a pronoun (“Pass me that nigga, nigga”), an adjective (“Pass me that nigga cheese,…
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A Cardi B Invasion of Privacy Think Piece Because We’re All Waiting for One
I like Cardi B a lot. Who doesn’t? It’s almost impossible not to enjoy her brand of in-your-face in-your-faceism. She keeps it real, and that authenticity has endeared her to folks near and far. When “Bodak Yellow” dropped and broke records and wormholed its way into your subconscious—I actually can’t just say “moves” anymore without…