Value Meal in Chief Feeds National Champion Clemson with Good Old American Fast Food

Illustration for article titled Value Meal in Chief Feeds National Champion Clemson with Good Old American Fast Food
Photo: Coach Dabo Swinney of Clemson University (Getty images)

President sniffles has a knack for poor timing. Not only did he manage to time his manufactured government shutdown in the midst of one of the worst stretches the stock market has ever seen, his shutdown lasted into his visit with the newly minted national college football champions from Clemson University.


When faced with the possibility of entertaining a football team of hungry, unpaid laborers, the Trump administration decided to act fast. With waitstaff and world-class chefs unavailable due to their boss’ rage-quitting, the benevolent Trump dug deep into his pockets and sprung for lunch.

From McDonald’s, Wendy’s Burger King and Pizza Hut.

“Because of the shutdown, as you know, we have the great Clemson team with us, so we went out and ordered American fast food paid for by me,” said the McNugget in chief, flanked by priceless candelabras. Before meeting Coach Dabo Swinney and his merry gang of millennials serfs, Trump told press that his selection would be a big hit with Clemson’s “very large people that like eating.”

Swinney and company, making their second visit to the Oval office since the good ol’ days of 2016, could be seen wondering what good it did them to even show up to their national title game against Alabama.


Apparently, all it was worth to trump was 1,000 cheap burgers.


Naturally, Twitter noticed the jig in less time than it takes the typical McDonald’s employee to assemble the day’s 100th Big Mac.


When discussing the day’s fare before the event, Trump told press “if it’s American, I like it. It’s all American stuff.”

Trump was not seen eating any of the food prepared for players.

For his part, Dabo seemed to like it plenty.


Even McDonald’s is good when dipped in the sweet, tangy goodness of paying your players absolutely nothing.

Contributing Editor. When he's not pullin' up, he's usually jumpin' out. You can find him in the cut.


Once You Pop, You Can’t Stop

If he’s as fucking rich as he claims, he could’ve bought them all dinner from a nice restaurant. Way to demonstrate what a cheap dick you are. This was probably Steve Miller’s idea because he was a pariah in high school.