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It be your own negus.

World-renowned Hotepologist and miseducator (Dr.?) Umar Johnson has threatened to refund the money he collected for the Invisible Frederick Douglass Dashiki Institute for Black Boys and go back to the Motherland after someone snitched on him to Pennsylvania’s State Board of Psychology, triggering an investigation.

On Thursday Johnson posted an Instagram photo of a notice of hearing from the Pennsylvania Bureau of Professional and Occupational Affairs, threatening to “move to Afrika” after his farewell Kwanzaa tour.*

*I just checked with the Guinness Book of World Records, and “Move to Africa after his farewell Kwanzaa tour” is officially the blackest phrase ever written. You’re welcome.

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The Paypal entrepreneur claims that he will be stripped of his school psychology credentials when he appears before the board on Jan. 8 because “you ridiculous ingrates” snitched to “the white man” to try to destroy his dream of teaching young black boys their true history. It’s the classic “crabs in the barrel” syndrome. If you have never heard about the behavior of crabs in a barrel, here’s a scientific explanation of what happens:

If you put a bunch of crabs in a barrel, one crab will inevitably try to escape by convincing the other crabs to invest their crab dollars in a Bernie Madoff-like scam to build a school that will eventually get them all out of the bucket. The crab will claim that he is a descendant of one of the most revolutionary crabs of all time so that he can gain the other crabs’ loyalty.

Then he will use the crustacean coins he collected to, umm ... well ... that part is not clear yet. The scam crab will never show anyone a deed of purchase. He will never show anyone a business plan. They will never see any verifiable effort to prove that they are building the Academy for King Crabs. But when the crabs ask him what happened to the money, he will scream, “You are a tool of the white fisherman who put us in this bucket!”

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If they ask him for receipts, he will claw back at them on social media and accuse them of working with the snow crabs who want to destroy the crab community. He will travel around the world raising money and raise almost a half million dollars on GoFundCrabs.

He will never account for a penny of it.

In a series of tweets that tried to place him somewhere between Black Panther and the new Malcolm X, Umar also announced that his GoFundMe may be unfairly suspended for fraud, which he believes is unfair. Just because he is a fraud doesn’t mean the people he defrauded should be accusing him of fraud.

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When Black Twitter heard the news, in the spirit of the season, many people decided to give Johnson a donation: They offered him a variety of rocks to kick. Soon the hashtag #UmarJohnsonDelicensingParty began trending:

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Umar’s claims that he will be stripped of his licensing as a certified school psychologist because of complaints seem spurious at best.

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When The Root contacted the Pennsylvania Bureau of Professional and Occupational Affairs, which governs the Pennsylvania State Board of Psychologists, we were told that the board would not suspend or revoke a license based simply on complaints, because it would mean that anyone could organize an effort to remove the licensure from a professional. The Pennsylvania Professional Psychologists Act (pdf) lists the only reasons the board can lawfully revoke or suspend a license:

  • Failing to demonstrate the qualifications or standards for a license. He’s licensed, so ...
  • Making misleading, deceptive, untrue or fraudulent representations in the practice of psychology. Maybe Umar’s “homosexual agenda” conspiracy would apply here. Or how attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a myth. Or how black boys didn’t get suspended in Africa.
  • Practicing fraud or deceit in obtaining a license to practice psychology. I’m just saying, no one has seen the infamous Ph.D.—still. There’s been a rumor for years that there’s another Umar Johnson with the same name and degree.
  • Displaying gross incompetence, negligence or misconduct in carrying on the practice of psychology.
  • Submitting a false or deceptive biennial registration to the board.
  • Being convicted of a crime.
  • Having a license to practice psychology suspended, revoked or refused, or receiving other disciplinary action by the proper psychology licensing authority of another state, territory or country.
  • Being unable to practice psychology with reasonable skill and safety by reason of illness, drunkenness, excessive use of drugs, narcotics, chemicals or any other type of material, or as a result of any mental or physical condition. I know what you’re thinking, but Hotepness isn’t technically an illness.
  • Violating a lawful regulation.
  • Knowingly aiding, assisting, procuring or advising any unlicensed person to practice psychology.
  • Committing immoral or unprofessional conduct. Ding! Ding! Ding! I think we have a winner. Or maybe taking money from gullible, trusting people and having nothing to show for it isn’t “immoral.”
  • Soliciting any engagement to perform professional services by any direct, in-person or uninvited soliciting through the use of coercion, duress, compulsion, intimidation, threats, overreaching or harassing conduct.
  • Failing to perform any statutory obligation placed upon a licensed psychologist.
  • Intentionally submitting to any third-party payer a claim for a service or treatment that was not actually provided to a client.
  • Failing to maintain professional records in accordance with regulations prescribed by the board.

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That’s it. That’s the list. The state could receive a thousand complaints, but if a professional psychologist hasn’t broken any of these laws, his or her license can’t be suspended.

But you know what they say:

“It be your own crabs.”