For years, we’ve struggled to comprehend the science behind Donald Trump’s bizarre orange hue; how his epidermis acts as camouflage inside of a bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos or how he’s often mistaken for half-eaten candy corn in the fall. Is his tangerine tone a result of a poor diet or is his body preparing for the eternal damnation awaiting him in Hell?
As we eagerly anticipate a definitive answer derived from decades of exhaustive research and scientific analysis, Mr. Apricot Husk himself appears to have cracked the code.
NBC News reports that on Thursday night, while the rest of us were watching Joe Biden embarrass himself during the latest Democratic debate, Melania’s baby daddy revealed the secret source of his radioactive complexion at the 2019 House Republican Conference Member Retreat Dinner.
“People said what’s with the light bulb?” he said. “I said here’s the story, and I looked at it: The bulb that we’re being forced to use—No. 1, to me, most importantly, the light’s no good. I always look orange.”
He added, “And so do you. The light is the worst.”
All this time I thought it was pure evil attempting to escape from his pores, but it turns out it’s just been energy-efficient light bulbs? Which is ironic considering last week his administration announced its intention to rollback lightbulb energy regulations from Obama’s presidency.
“It’s many times more expensive than that old incandescent bulb that worked very well,” Trump continued. “The light is not as good. [...] We’re going to sell that, but we’re also going to sell incandescent bulbs.”
Light bulbs, ladies and gentlemen.
The mystery has been solved.