Illustration for article titled This White Florida Man Really Tried to Bum-Rush His Way Into Walmart After Being Blocked From Entering Without a Face Mask
Screenshot: Tom Bombadil (YouTube)

Did the Black delegation ever settle on a name for male Karens? I don’t like “Chad” because a Chad played Black Panther, so let’s go with “Skip” as in, “Boy, if you don’t Skip your stupid ass to another store instead of going full Karen in this Walmart because they won’t let you in without a face mask...”

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A Florida man must have needed his Wrangler jeans and Great Value loaf of bread really badly, because after he was blocked from entering an Orlando Walmart without wearing a face mask—which became mandatory in Orange County on Saturday—he failed miserably at trying to force his way in.

From WDBO-FM:

Not to be stopped from shopping, the elderly shopper tried to push the store employee aside as the camera man chuckled and said, “You gotta wear a mask bro.”

The employee stood with his hands in the air as the man tried to shove his way inside, even falling to the floor at one point.

“The peoples is trippin’ bro,” the camera man said.

Determined to go further, the man got up and scrambled inside as the employee continued to try to stop him.

Another shopper can even be heard offering up an extra face mask, but the elderly shopper ignored the offer and was able to make it half-way up an aisle before finally - angrily - agreeing to leave the store.

The cameraman can be heard saying, “He’s just doing his job man!”

Skip eventually left. It’s unclear whether he went straight to a local Bareface Lives Matter protest or if he stopped at his weekly White People Who Want to be Oppressed So Bad support group first, but the footage of the incident has since gone viral on social media.

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I mean, this shit is just embarrassing.

First of all, how are you so light in the ass that shoving someone causes you to fall to the ground? You know he thought he was about to do something bad-ass, too. If his rhythmless slip, fall and eventual retreat wasn’t captured on camera, he would’ve been telling his homies at the Elks Lodge (I have no idea where old white people hang out) that he pulled some Conan the Barbarian shit and toppled over an oppressive regime of face mask-wielding fascists who want to take away Americans’ God-given right to...potentially spread COVID-19 to the general public.

Seriously, though, what is it with white people and their resistance to wearing face masks? Like, there have been whole-ass protests. Someone even tried to offer Skip a mask to wear while he shopped and he refused it.

At this point, I can only assume it’s because wypipo know how much their breath stinks.

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Just think about how y’all’s president refuses the mask. You can smell Trump’s breath through his Twitter posts. You just know his shit smells like mothballs and earring backs.

So I guess I get it: When your breath smells like 400 years of oppression, the last thing you want to do is shoot it back at yourself by throwing on a face covering.

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Of course, that still doesn’t explain why Skip was so desperate to get into Walmart that he thought his failed attempt to sack an employee was even necessary. What the fuck did he need so bad? Home appliances that last for six months but come with a one-year warranty that you decline to purchase at the register couldn’t possibly be worth all this. You could have just ordered your off-brand electric toothbrush online, Skip.

Not that he’d ever use an electric toothbrush when he can just avoid his own stank breath by going maskless...I’m just saying.

Zack Linly is a poet, performer, freelance writer, blogger and grown man lover of cartoons

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