The White House Is Now a Frat House and Everyone Is Dropping Line

Illustration for article titled The White House Is Now a Frat House and Everyone Is Dropping Line
Graphic: Michael Harriot (The Root; photo via iStock)

Rex Tillerson became the latest pledgee from one of America’s most important fraternal organizations to exit the back door of the fraternity house located at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., raising concerns that Big Brother Trump, who serves as chapter president, might be hazing a little too much.


According to the Washington Post, Tillerson, who served as secretary of state and timekeeper for the 2017 pledge class of the Sigma Eta Iota Tau (SHIT) chapter of MAGA Psi Phi, was fired on Tuesday, becoming the latest of more than a dozen members to drop line from the Trump administration’s grueling, chaotic pledge process.

Founded in 1776, the all-white MAGA Psi Phi is known for its exciting step shows, where its members twirl tiki torches while chanting their signature catchphrase “White power!” and “Blood and soil!” (I’m pretty sure those slogans refer to their fraternity colors, red and white.)

Their 2017 conclave in Charlottesville, Va., was one of the largest gatherings of their membership. Sadly, the frat’s January 2017 inauguration probate show at the National Mall in Washington, D.C., was poorly attended despite the fact that Chrisette Michele performed at the after-party.

Like most frat houses, the MAGA house is littered with McDonald’s wrappers, guys who don’t mind forcing themselves on pretty freshmen and a collection of party animals who never worry about studying. But they are highly regarded because their frat parties are epic.

If you’ve never been to a Toupee Dawg party at Mar-a-Lago, they are legendary pussy-grabbing-paloozas. People come from as far as China to attend the homecoming bash. I tried to get into one of the toga parties, but they wouldn’t let me in.


At least I think it was a toga party, because everyone was wearing white sheets ... and white hoods. They were all gathered around this beautiful campfire in the shape of a lowercase “t,” saying something about “You will not replace us,” which is probably one of their secret fraternity songs. It looked like a lot of fun!

There is speculation that the entire fraternity could be kicked off the yard because of an ongoing investigation by Robert Mueller. Allegations of sexual misconduct and fixing chapter elections have swirled around Grand Basileus Donald Trump, who didn’t pledge because he is a legacy.


Trump serves as dean of pledges despite the fact that he is considered “paper.” He is known as one of the toughest, most unhinged members of the frat, who loves to “break out the wood,” according to former pledges, insiders and Stormy Daniels. Some of the other potential members who have already quit:

Sean Spicer: He had trouble learning his frat history and referred to the community service camps built by the German chapter as “Holocaust centers.”


Steve Bannon: He wouldn’t humble himself to his D.P.

Anthony Scaramucci: According to him, “I’m not Steve Bannon; I’m not trying to suck my own cock.


James Comey: Comey refused to take the fraternity’s loyalty oath. He also kept a lot of notes.

Michael Flynn: He was the ace on line and the ace on lying.

Hope Hicks: She could not abide by the No. 1 rule: Bros before hos.

Rob Porter: The FBI messed up his paperwork.

Omarosa Manigault Newman: They realized she was black and kicked her off line.

Although many potential members have quit, Ben Carson is determined to cross. Ivanka Trump has been selected as an honorary member, and Jared Kushner will be initiated if the FBI can approve his transcript.


John Kelly is rumored to be the next to drop line, saying, “Fuck this shit, I’ll pledge grad chapter.”

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.



Uh, the Under Secretary is now also shit-canned because he made the mistake of telling the truth (no, I’m not joking):

Dumpster is straight up purging the State Dept.