The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: Too Stupid to Fear the Wolf

Illustration for article titled iThe Root’/isi /iClapback Mailbag: Too Stupid to Fear the Wolf
Illustration: Oscar Bustamante (The Root/FMG)

If you’ve ever wondered whether or not you’re too biased, here’s a good test: If people on both sides of any issue are upset with you, then you’re probably doing something right. By this measure, you should probably understand what The Root really is, as defined by the tweets, emails and comments we receive.


The Root is a white-owned tool of the government to turn black people against the true nature of the black man’s essence. We spend most of our time trying to figure out how to undermine black leaders who are trying to uplift the race through bitcoin and GoFundMe campaigns. In our spare time, we attack the black man’s masculinity so that black feminazis, gay people and transgender people can destroy the black family.

The Root is also a racist, anti-white propaganda machine that is the black equivalent of Breitbart. Every morning we have a meeting to figure out how we will spend our day playing identity politics, telling black people to ask for handouts and instigating hate with our anti-white rhetoric.


Both sides are correct.

But our mailbag is dope!

The first set of correspondence concerns one of the longest-running themes in The Root’s mailbag. Tied with “You’re the real racists” is the subject “The Root is white-owned.”

From: Joyce
To: Danielle Belton
Subject: Are you white-own

I just read something that say you are white owned and send racist propaganda. Tell me it not so


These Roboteps are probably right.

The Root is actually owned by a consortium of investment firms. While I have not taken a demographic survey of the shareholders, I assume that the owners of Fusion Media Group are mostly white.


I will refrain from pointing out that these people sent these messages from their white-owned email servers, white-owned Twitter and white-owned Facebook. It also wouldn’t be fair to point out that there are more white people employed by Tariq Nasheed’s band (at least one), and his documentary series (at least four, by my count) than by The Root (a grand total of zero).

I would, however, like to point out the hypocrisy in the fact that every one of these people will use white-owned media as a “legitimate” source of information while discounting black media whenever it criticizes them.


Nasheed and others will lob grenades at The Root when we make fun of or question their tactics, but see no problem with contributing to the revenue of outlets that participate in the denigration of black people. The “conscious” crew will prance over to Fox News for their 15 minutes of face time in front of the nigger-hating Caucasian audience.


In an email to The Root, Boyce Watkins Enterprises even admitted that he is a minority shareholder in the company that sells the financial empowerment product JARVIS through his “black-owned” Black Business School. Watkins said that he is restructuring the company, but he explained:

The founders of that company will be Boyce & Lawrence Watkins, Charles Wu, and Mark Moss. BWE will own about a third of the stock while controlling 2 out of 5 (40%) of the board seats. The founders of that company will be Boyce & Lawrence Watkins, Charles Wu, and Mark Moss. BWE will own about a third of the stock while controlling 2 out of 5 (40%) of the board seats. Due to this controversy regarding Charles, he has conceded 1 board seat (he has 2 total) to Dr. Vaneesha Dutra, a Black woman finance professor out of Denver, CO. Although Charles apologized numerous times on video, we wanted real economic consequences for his words, and he agreed. So now, Black people will have 3 out of 5 board seats (60%) on JARVIS Co.


So while his new organization will not be owned by a black majority, black people will control 60 percent of the board seats. This means it will not technically be black-owned, but like things at The Root, black people will make the decisions.

Which is it?

To be fair, they may all be right. The Root might be run by the Illuminati for all I know. Although no white person has ever told me or (to my knowledge) anyone else here what to say, the writers, editors and producers here may be unwitting participants in a complex ruse to dupe black people into ... ummm ... I’m not quite sure what the agenda is yet.


I’m sure they’ll tell me at the next meeting.

We published an article this week that received one of the most divided responses ever. One specific tweet disappointed me greatly because it came from a Harvard Law School graduate, a legal scholar and someone whose work I admire.


Mr. Mystal,

While I respect your constitutional law background, you should be aware that the landmark ruling of Size of the Boat v. Motion of the Ocean set the precedent that size does not determine importance.


People like you are part of the problem.

People like you drafted Sam Bowie before Michael Jordan. People like you caused the rise of the 40-ounce beer and had me drinking tepid, lukewarm backwash during my youth. People like you are the reason I couldn’t get a date in high school ... or college ... or as an adult because women curve guys like me who are under 6 feet tall.


You’re a height supremacist.

Don’t try to deny it by bringing up the official instructions for spades included in the playing cards. Many of our respondents did that. But I ask you:

Do those instructions tell you how to rake the books? DO they include a section on underbidding? Most importantly, do those instructions say how many books a team owes when they renege?


No, they don’t. Because they are created by height supremacists, and height supremacists never want to discuss reparations. I suggest you go play spades with someone who shares your filthy beliefs.

Good day, sir.

The next two emails concern the same subject: The Root’s denigration of white people.

Name Patriot
To: Michael Harriot
Subject Surprise. You’re a racist.

Actually, it’s not a surprise, or at least it shouldn’t be. You need to understand that when you take a “ How does it feel, white people ? “ approach to racism ( ex: your opinion on OJ’s confession ), you force what had been politically middle-of-the-road whites to the far right ( raises hand ). With moronic questions like that, you make it clear that your “ Black Crimes Matter “ ( sorry for the typo...” lives “ ) is one of exclusion, and that anyone without a dark shade of skin is to be ostracized, and cast out. White people are people like any other and so, feeling a sociological need to be accepted, we then gravitate to the only group left that has *our* interests at heart...the alt-right. Thanks for fueling racism instead of trying to quell it. “ Stay woke, fam “.


Patriot followed with this:

Name Patriot
To: Michael Harriot:
Subject But, not wanting to end things on an angry note...

I have a joke for you. There once was a group of people who thought that if you didn’t agree with 100% of everything they said, they accused you of hating them because of their skin tone because that was far easier than having a conversation, and finding common ground .Hilarious, am I right ?


OK, Patriot, I have a joke, too:

I have a dog named Omar.

He’s a 6-year-old Great Dane who weighs about 165 pounds. He stays in the house all day and only goes outside to “do his business,” usually rushing back in because he hates the outdoors. When it rains, he will look outside and convey a look that says: “Nah, bruh. I’ll wait.”


One day, as I entered my subdivision, I saw that someone had posted a sign on a poster that said, “Coyotes spotted.” I didn’t think anything of it.

Later, I noticed that Omar was taking a long time outside. I looked out the window and saw Omar standing nose to nose with a coyote. He was unafraid, looking at the much smaller coyote as if it were just another animal. He had no idea that he was in danger.


The coyote looked at Omar like, “Why is this motherfucker not running?” He growled. Omar just stood there. He showed his teeth. Omar just stood there. I ran outside and did the only thing I could. I whimpered, “Omar!” and the coyote leaped across the fence and into the woods.

I didn’t know then (and neither did Omar) that coyotes are called “opportunity hunters.” They usually eat small rabbits, mice, etc. The only time they are lethal is when they are in packs. Then they will attack animals that are much larger and stronger than they are.


I was 13 years old when I “discovered” white people.

I have previously detailed how I grew up in a black neighborhood and was homeschooled, so I had no real, meaningful interactions with white people until I was a teenager. Of course I had seen them on TV, but I had also seen Batman and aliens. They were all the same to me.


Even you admit that “white people are people like any other and so, feeling a sociological need to be accepted ... ” White people are often confused or offended by what I say because everyone in America has been subconsciously taught to treat them with a certain amount of reverence and respect.

The reason you “gravitate to the only group left that has *our* interests at heart...the alt-right” is that you are opportunity hunters. Your only real power lies in the fact that you are the majority. If not for white supremacy, you would be scavengers. Your power is not real.


When I point this out, I do not mean to upset you. I have been kept in the house too long to understand that I should be careful not to offend you. I don’t mean to be racist.

I’m just too stupid to be afraid of you.

Hilarious, am I right?

And finally, these two Twitter DMs:

From: Peter N

As a white man, I do not know what to say or do, but I agree with you. The white man who screams about political correctness is the same man who uses these terms to hide what is happening to you and other minorities. I have been reading the works of MLK, Frederick Douglass, Solomon Northup, various Slave Naratives, The New Jim Crowe, and etc. I wear t-shirts with pictures and quotes by African Americans, and I try to engage the customers at my store in race discussions. The vast majority of my customers are white, but they do not want to discuss these issues.

From: Jelon

Yo Mr. Harriet, thank you so much for writing that article on Hampton University

I really appreciate you doing that and this is well needed. In addition as a Morehouse Student I also want to thank you for writing those two articles which included“The War at Morehouse”. It was really informative about what was happening on our campus that really made me reach out to you to do the same for Hampton University. Continue doing what your doing and again thank you

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.

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you force what had been politically middle-of-the-road whites to the far right ( raises hand )

Ah. So a spineless fuck with no actual principles, thoughts, or ideas - just skin color. And, through subtext, just waiting to be led and coddled by a “pack alpha.”

“Opportunity hunter” indeed. Pathetic.