There is nothing simple—or easy—about divorce.
There are ugly custody battles, alimony payments to figure out and a host of other shit to sort through when it’s time to divide the pie.
But sometimes, love does not conquer all. So the Jets lit a cigarette, threw on some Mary J. Blige, and after a good ass cry, decided that enough was fucking enough.
Where did things go wrong?
Coach Adam Gase and Bell never saw eye to eye—when the Jets put a four-year, $52 million ring on it back in March 2019, Gase didn’t even show up to the wedding—but despite their differences, Bell was still seen as a premiere talent who was paid accordingly.
In four (we’ll pretend like he never sat out the 2018 season over a contract dispute) seasons with Pittsburgh, his distinct running style and immense value as a receiver out of the backfield earned him two All-Pro nods and he made three Pro Bowl teams. He routinely carved up opposing defenses with his otherworldly patience behind the Steelers’ offensive line and was universally revered as one of the best at his position.
But when it was time to cut the check, the Steelers bristled at Bell’s outrageous contract demands. So after spending his entire 2018 season sitting on his ass playing Call of Duty, the Michigan State product eloped with the Jets and left for greener pastures—and greener jerseys.
Where Bell fucked up in all of this was that by taking the money and running—literally—he also left behind a much better coach, a much better roster, a much better quarterback and a much better offensive line. So in his first season as a Jet, his numbers plummeted from the 4.4 yards per carry he averaged in Pittsburgh to a paltry 3.2—and he didn’t even break 800 rushing yards on the season. In short, the Jets gave Bell a Michael Bay budget and ended up with a Tyler Perry movie.
Shit, I’d probably file for divorce too.
But looking at Bell’s production in Pittsburgh and comparing it to the dysfunctional pile of giraffe shit that is the Jets, it’s hard to believe that Bell is the culprit here. He’s still only 28-years-old and doesn’t have the same tread on his tires as other running backs since he took a year off. So it’s perfectly reasonable to assume that if he were to play for a coach who actually likes his ass, as well as behind a stout offensive line with a competent offense, he could become a productive back again.
Still, it’s completely insane to think that the Jets paid this dude $28 million for 17 games of dreck.
Even Kevin Federline is looking at Bell like, “You did that, bro! Drain that purse ‘till the hearse!”
Other NFL players took to Twitter to share their thoughts on Bell crawling back to Tinder too.
For his part, Bell seems ready for whatever opportunities lie ahead.
“Got a lot to prove,” he tweeted. “I’m ready to go.”
So what teams would provide an ideal fit? I would throw up in my mouth if it happened, but the Pats have been in the business of refurbishing damaged goods and maligned players for an eternity. Seattle is also an option, as he can give Russell Wilson another weapon, but if he goes to the Chiefs or Bucs consider the season over for the rest of the league.
Divorce doesn’t always have to be a bad thing, right? Although in this instance, the Jets cut ties with the wrong person. It’s Gase that should’ve come home to find his clothes on the curb.