The Best of Maxine Waters (Since Sunny D Zedong Won the Election)

Chelsea Lauren/Getty Images
Chelsea Lauren/Getty Images

As all sensible people know, the 45th president of the United States is a stupid, shifty, lying son of a bitch. If you heard “son of a bitch” in Tisha Campbell’s voice when she played Yvonne in Boomerang, congratulations, you’re a real one. However, when it comes to sensible people in public life who are not afraid of Peachy Pol Pot and his pathetic band of white supremacists poorly running the White House, no one tops California Rep. Maxine Waters.

Waters, like most black women, is doing more work on behalf of the resistance—or, hell, basic human decency—than many of her peers. Shoutout to the 53 percent of white women who helped make her life and the rest of our lives much worse than it needed to be. In any event, no matter what racist, extra-loud jackasses who host Fox News shows and likely jerk off to the sound of their own voices thinks, Maxine Waters is a patriot.

As a personal thank-you to Waters, the de facto auntie of Congress, here is a list of her greatest hits thus far in reading that orange, vile, lazy nincompoop of a president for the foolish and perhaps treasonous fraud that he is.


“I don’t believe anything Donald Trump says.”

To be fair to Waters, she tried to give him the benefit of the doubt as much as she could muster. After all, as she points out, he is a lying-ass liar who has given her no reason to believe anything he has to say. Not to mention, he’s disrespectful and a con artist. She left out that he eats well-done steaks with ketchup, but you get it.

What I appreciate most about this clip is that she refused to fall for the okey-doke when asked if President Barack Obama vouched for him; she dismissed that shit for the crock it was. As if Michelle Obama would have ever let that go down.

“I don’t choose to go, I don’t choose to honor him ... and that’s that.”

Mariah Carey likes to use “I don’t know her” when dismissing someone. With Auntie Maxine, she will tell you that she indeed knows who you are but she just can’t stand your ass. When Waters, a woman after my own heart, was asked about 45’s fake love of black colleges and universities, she rightly dismissed it for the con it later turned out to be. Why? ’Cause 45 never showed us “where dem dollas at.”


Moreover, when asked if she was attending the president’s joint address of Congress, she told MSNBC’s Katy Tur hell no, and proceeded to remind her and the viewing public that she doesn’t choose to honor him. Tur tried it when she attempted to compare Waters’ decision not to go to to his hourlong gabfest to that time that fool yelled “You lie!” to Obama, but Waters was not having it. If anything, her refusal to go see a sexist, xenophobic racist blab a bunch of nothing for an hour was a nice gesture because she could have yelled out, “Fuck that thot” for his entire speech, and I would’ve done nothing but stand up in my apartment and applaud her.

“This is a bunch of scumbags.”

MSNBC’s Chris Hayes didn’t appear to be used to a praying grandmother who can also curse you smooth out without any curse words, but he learned a valuable lesson during an interview with Waters in February. While discussing 45 and his sect, she declared: “I just think the American people had better understand what’s going on. This is a bunch of scumbags. That’s what they are. Who are all organized around making money.”


Spot the lie.

Waters on Betsy DeVos, a “wannabe billionaire teacher.”

In another February interview, Waters stopped dragging 45 long enough to snatch hairs out of his education secretary, Betsy DeVos. Considering her terrible performances during her confirmation hearings, you can’t blame Waters for dismissing DeVos as an inexperienced ditz.


Waters said this:

Betsy DeVos has no experience, no background. You know, she, of course, never attended public school herself. Her children never attended public school. She’s never served on a school board, never taught. She’s never done anything except make big donations to Trump and others.

So this billionaire wannabe teacher is now in the position where there’s a big fight going on in the Senate.


No shade.

“I have not called for the impeachment yet. He’s doing it himself.”

Be very clear: When it comes to Tangerine Mussolini and the issue of impeachment, it’s not her fault she’s talking about it. No, no. It’s your raggedy president’s fault for being such a trash box. And she proceeded to read out a laundry list of his offenses less than 75 days into his garbage-grade presidency. And this:

For the record, this has been her position.

“I do not honor this president; I do not respect this president.”

Oh, oh, oh, how I love this right here. This week, Waters once again repeated her stance on 45 and then proceeded to highlight how black people have fought for justice in this country and won’t stop under this administration.


Waters said:

When we fight against this president and we point out how dangerous he is for this society and for this country, we’re fighting for the democracy. We’re fighting for America. We’re saying to those who say they’re patriotic but they’ve turned a blind eye to the destruction that he’s about to cause this country, “You’re not nearly as patriotic as we are.”


Waters won’t go this far, but I will: It’s mighty rich that Habanero Hitler’s supporters voted to “Make America great again” but aligned themselves with a man whose entire campaign was centered on the notion that America is now the homily homie of industrialized nations (because of those ethnics, of course) and, worst of all, is a man who is increasingly showing himself to be a pawn and/or bottom of Russian President Vladimir Putin. So when he ruins their lives, don’t blame the folks who knew better.

Waters closed her remarks by noting that “my mission and my goal is to make sure that he does not remain president of the United States of America.”


Long live Maxine Waters.

Fine, here’s a bonus clip, beloveds. Y’all deserve:

Michael Arceneaux is the author of "I Can't Date Jesus," which will be released July 24, 2018 by Atria Books/Simon & Schuster, but go ahead and pre-order it now.

Share This Story

Get our `newsletter`



My new favorite thing is reading everything Maxine Waters says and hearing it in the voice of Jenifer Lewis from Blackish. If there’s ever a “The Maxine Water Story,” I have my choice for the lead.