white people
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You Should Always Have Black People Around to Consult on Lotion (and on Pepsi, HBO, the New York Times … )
I don’t remember much from my collegiate graduation ceremony, but I do remember this highlight from our commencement speaker, the Oprah Winfrey: Growing up, my grandmother told me that if I worked really hard, I could find some good white people to work for. And I’m proud to say that today … I’ve got some…
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10 Simple and Subtle and Easy Things I Do Every Day to Fight White Supremacy
White supremacy is like a wave at sea crashing into a beach—an unstoppable and transformative force, shifting sand, ferrying debris and constructing America’s topographical landscape. This is why, sometimes, you have to do what I used to do when at the wave pool as a kid, when I’d wait for the waves to come in,…
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The Cop Suing James Blake for Defamation After Racially Profiling and Assaulting Him Is the Whitest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
Yesterday evening, my not-quite-2-year-old daughter asked for a piece of spicy shrimp that I was eating. I knew she wouldn’t like it, so I shook my head and told her, “Trust me, little baby person, you won’t like this.” Unconvinced, she continued to ask—and for context, her asking is just her looking at me and…
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How Many (White) People Have to Die Before America Gives a Damn About Its Gun Problem?
At the time of writing, the death toll from the Las Vegas terrorist attack stands at 58—a number that will undoubtedly rise as the day continues and may continue to rise for the following week(s). These people and several hundred others were allegedly shot by 64-year-old Stephen Paddock as he took position on the 32nd…
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‘Grits With Sugar’ Are the White People of Breakfast Grains and Hot Cereals
I grew up in a household where all breakfast grains and hot cereals mattered. Oatmeal? Mattered. Cream of Wheat? Mattered. Grits? Mattered. Ralston? Mattered. And just in case the last two sentences confused you, know that 1) “Ralston” is not a typo because 2) Ralston is a very yummy and grainy hot cereal that 3)…
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An Open Letter From Black America to White People’s Pets
This message is not intended solely for white pet owners. There are a few black pet owners who do this, too. Don’t act like you don’t know who you are. We see you, too. Hey, Chauncey! I’m sorry about the frown, but it’s just weird for me when white people name their pets human names…
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Crazy White-People News: A Roundup
Before we begin, we want to make it clear that the enclosed references to “white people” do not literally mean all white people. While I’m sure you are aware that humor is built on the generalization of truths, and intelligent people know that nothing in the universe is 100 percent, there is a distinct subset…
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Everyone Is Stupid. When Did Everyone Get So Stupid? Has Everyone Always Been This Stupid?
Ray Lewis dresses like a guilty man. This is what immediately came to mind yesterday as I was reading that the Baltimore Ravens have had to hire extra security for the statue of Lewis outside of M&T Bank Stadium. Lewis, of course, knelt during the national anthem before Baltimore’s game in London—an act that was…
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What We’re Gonna Do When the Revolution Comes
I’ve recently come across some articles and heard the latest theories about the phenomenon of white anxiety as a precursor to the rise of the era of Trump and Trumpism. Essentially, there’s an overwhelming sense of dread that, based on impending demographic trends, has old white people especially worried about their place in the food…