white house
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Doctor of Housing Ben Carson Tests Positive for Coronavirus
Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson has tested positive for the coronavirus. Truthfully, Carson could’ve tested positive days ago and told everyone inside the White House, but no one listens to Ben Carson. First, he talks like a whisper that got trapped inside a bottle that was then tossed in the Anacostia River. Second,…
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Trump's Chief of Staff Mark Meadows Has COVID-19, the Latest of Many Cases in the White House
Mark Meadows, Chief of Staff in the Trump White House and the man who said just two weeks ago that the administration is “not going to control the pandemic,” now has the coronavirus. Meadows tested positive for COVID-19 earlier this week, sources told Bloomberg News, and informed a “close circle of advisors” in the White…
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Is Bunker Bitch Barricading Himself in the White House?
Looks like the president is building that wall after all. On Monday, federal authorities are putting a non-scalable fence around the entire perimeter of the White House as they prepare for possible protests after the results of the presidential election. It all sounds like bullshit to me considering the results will reflect that President Trump…
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Stimuluses for Err'body: What Democrats Need to Do Should They Take Over Congress
There are unwritten rules in just about everything in life. In baseball, if a pitcher hits your guy with the ball, then once your team’s pitcher is up to the mound, it’s a must that you bean their opposing team’s batter. Doesn’t even matter if he had anything to do with it. He’s on his…
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White House Takes Credit for Ending COVID-19 Pandemic as Coronavirus Numbers Hit Daily Records
In news that can only be described as “y’all niggas is tripping,” the White House’s science policy office released a list of President Donald Trump’s first term accomplishments and right at the very top as if America doesn’t have news stations and Google alerts on their phone, they listed “ending the COVID-19 pandemic.” Notice the…
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When a Black Construction Bag Filled With Dog Poop Interviews a Presidential Colostomy Bag
Jason Whitlock is a black construction bag filled with vomit and precious white things placed inside the bed of a white man’s pickup truck next to a pair of king’s boots that he occasionally rubs for sustenance. If Jason Whitlock was stranded in the desert and God was willing to grant him one item of…
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White House Warned That Rudy Giuliani Was Target of Russia Misinformation Campaign, and Trump Just Jordan Shrugged
Turns out that America isn’t the only country that’s aware of how fucking stupid Trump’s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani is. According to a scathing report in the Washington Post, Russia also knows of Rudy’s inability to comprehend basic addition, so he was targeted as a way to push misinformation to Trump, and he didn’t know…
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Trump Delivers Campaign Speech From the White House to a Crowd of 'Blexit' Supporters Paid for by Candace Owen
The President has returned to his campaigning activities despite his coronavirus diagnosis, delivering a speech from the White House on Saturday in which he called on the surprising number of Black and Latino people in attendance to vote Democrats “into oblivion.” At the event, billed by the White House as a protest for law and…
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A Coronavirus Cotillion: White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany Tests Positive for COVID-19
White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany, affectionately called McEnemyOfTheState, has tested positive for COVID-19, bringing the most recent White House positives to at least 16, and all of whom have either been at the White House—which is now looking a lot like a Coronavirus Cotillion—or circled Trump’s orbit. “After testing negative consistently, including every day…
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Kellyanne Conway Is Leaving Trump Administration to Keep Daughter From Posting Family Business on Social Media
Look, The Root uses the same cutoff marker that amusement park rides use to determine who can get on this ride. We don’t fuck with kids unless they are Matt Gaetz’s adopted, but not really adopted, man-boy or Trump’s kids not named Barron. So we won’t be talking about Kellyanne and George Conway’s teenage daughter…