tom brady
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Can We Talk About Tom Brady Kissing His 11-Year-Old Son on the Mouth for a Long Time?
I believe in father-son affection. I have a son. He’s 3 months old, and I am dreading the day that he finds my kissing his cheek uncool. I also believe that because America doesn’t love black boys, it’s my job as his dad to make sure that he knows at all times that he is…
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TrumPutin Won’t Like This: Tom Brady Skipping White House Visit
When the Super Bowl-winning New England Patriots make their visit to the Orange House on Wednesday, arguably the most important player and friend of President Pee-Pee, quarterback Tom Brady won’t be there. Brady cited the president’s overall fuckery and disregard for men, women and children of color as the reason he won’t be making the…
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White Folks Can’t Just Come to the Cookout Because They Perform Blackness
Whenever a white person does something remotely decent related to black people or black culture—be it displaying basic decency or performing some act with competence—a chorus of Negroes will declare, “They can come to the cookout!” For our new white readers, “the cookout” is essentially what most of us across these United States refer to…
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The Trap House vs. the White House: Why Black America Needed the Falcons to Win
The New England Patriots are racist-adjacent. Their owner and quarterback kick it with the racist-in-chief, who not only openly opposes anything not white and male but openly loves the New England Patriots. So the New England Patriots are racist-related. While they can’t be considered straight-up racist, their helmet emblem is of a white man wearing…
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The Woke Guide to the Super Bowl: If You’re Rooting for the New England Patriots, You’re Rooting for Trump
The two weeks between the NFL playoffs and the Super Bowl are usually incredibly boring. The same interviews, the same analysis for a game that Vegas picked correctly a month ago. But thanks to Donald Trump, this year it’s different. After decades of adhering to the “stick to sports” mantra, sports fans, pundits and especially…
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A Cheer For The New England Patriots Is A Cheer For Donald Trump
Sports fans usually don’t want to mix their politics and sports — well, White sports fans — but fans of the New England Patriots have no choice. From Tom Brady’s passive-aggressive endorsement of Trump to the very name of the organization, if the personal is, indeed, political, then Patriots fans need to come to terms…
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The Second Dumbest Reason People Give For Hating NBA Basketball
At the moment, the New England Patriots, partially fueled by a gaggle of sociopathic self-righteousness after being “vindicated” by Deflategate, are undefeated and would seem to be the early favorites to win the Super Bowl. This information should come to no surprise to anyone who’s even a casual fan of the NFL. Because that exact…
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The New Negro And The Lost Art Of Shutting The Fuck Up
A few weeks ago, a reporter spotted one of Donald Trump’s “Make America Great Again” baseball caps in Tom Brady’s locker. I won’t derail this article by going on a rant about how their definition of when America was “great” was either when negroes were docile, or even better — slaves. I won’t even mention…
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Roger Goodell Is A Turducken Of Shitty
In one of the emails in Deadspin’s Funbag this week, someone brought up a wacky teacher who’d give students 95s on multiple choice tests if they got every answer wrong. Get one or two right, though, and you’d get your real grade. Obviously, the implied rationale is that if you’re able to intentionally get every answer wrong, you…