theory & essay
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Fontella Marie Holmes: The 88 Million Dollar Trap Queen
So. Fontella Marie Holmes, 26, single mom, lotto winner. Black lady. She hit the numbers back in February to the tune of $88 million after taxes, and she has since dropped NINE milli bailing her man outta jail two times. I keep reading articles about how people are enraged and baffled by her spending this…
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On "Compton", Dr. Dre, and Still Loving NWA More Than I Probably Should
Let me put it out there upfront N.W.A. is my favorite rap group of all time. I will sing the praises of Eazy, Ren, Dre, and Cube (plus DJ Yella) until the cows come home. Except, there’s an asterisk on that last sentence. Because there has to be. But we’ll put a pin in that.…
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Dear "Well-Meaning" White People: Progress Is Fucking Painful
17 summers ago, I tore the anterior cruciate ligament in my left knee while attempting a spin move in a pick-up basketball game. I planted awkwardly, my knee twisted a way it wasn’t supposed to twist, and I immediately knew something was wrong. It was painful. But, as many who’ve also torn their ACLs will…
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Serena Breaks The Internet. And Hearts. And Your Bitch Ass Too If You Don't Come Correct
They say a picture says a thousand words. But whoever “they” are have obviously never seen Serena Williams do a split on some makeshift uneven bars for an NY Mag profile; looking like and being every. damn. thing. at the exact same time. Because if “they” saw that, “they” would know some pictures only say one word. And…
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Saginawesome In Saginaw, Part III
(This part is going to be mad shorter. I’ve run out of steam and real talk, the last day was the wedding. And honestly, I’m only really tallying all of the drinking that was done, for historical purposes.) Back up at 9am. My sleeping sucks when I’ve been drinking but not drunk. But the homeys,…
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Saginawesome In Saginaw, Part II
(When we left our super hero, he had returned to his hotel room to go to sleep at 4am!) Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd…I was up at 8am. Because I hate myself and because I can’t sleep in late to save my life unless I’m blackout drunk. But it was a good thing that I was awake because I…
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Meek Mill Can't Defeat Drake. But Petty Drake Definitely Can
So, I have to recant something. Last week, in a piece I wrote for EBONY, I stated that Meek Mill has absolutely no chance to win this beef with Drake. Mainly because he just does not have the particular skillset necessary for this type of battle. Meek Mill’s problem is that he’s just not equipped…
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How Knowledge Just Fucked Up Coke For Me.
Fuck knowledge, b. Do you remember the movie Renaissance Man? It’s the movie where Danny DeVito ends up teaching the slow kids at bootcamp in Michigan in hopes of making them not do the slow. Day very boring. Well one day while making them read…something…one of them asks what he’s reading and it turns out…
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Why The White Supremacist With FUBU Sneakers Is The Blackest Thing I've Ever Seen This Week
An irony of the pseudo-citizen status often bestowed on American Blacks is the fact that we’re unquestionably and intrinsically American. We’ve been in America longer than America has been America and have been as vital to America’s current success as any other group of people. And, despite numerous legal, social, economic, and spiritual attempts to prevent…