theory & essay
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On Harambe, Worst Case Scenarios, And Being Judgmental When The Rainbow Isn't Enough
It’s my fault, really. “Don’t read the comments” (except for at VSB) is pretty much the only way to read articles on mass news sites on-line. Racists and trolls dwell in comments sections when they’re not testing glaze at Krispy Kreme. But I’ve always been hardheaded, so on each article I’ve read about the SUPER…
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Sugar Or Salt Or Who Gives A Shit Because Grits Don't Matter Enough To Have This Debate
Here are four commonly accepted and agreed on facts about grits: 1. The base color is off-white 2. It’s one of the few words where both the singular (grit) and the plural (grits) versions of it are fun to say (You could even argue that grit is a better word than a food) 3. Many Black…
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One Man's Quest To Find The Perfect Batch Of Mac And Cheese In New York City
(I first read this cautionary tale last week at Colored Boy and Friends: Mental Health Edition in New York City with the help of Bondfire Radio’s Tasty Keish.) INT. NIGHT – KITCHEN Alex is seated on a designer high stool from Tarjé at a marble counter in a tidy kitchen (with clean baseboards, thank you…
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What Happened To Craig Mack? (And Why Do So Many Ex-Bad Boy Artists Become Religious Fanatics?)
After a generally well received and meme-worthy Bad Boy reunion performance at the 2015 BET awards, the soon to be retired mogul Diddy took to Instagram to praise Lil Kim’s showmanship, and informally announce the coming of a Bad Boy Reunion tour. Earlier this year, he shared more details with DJ Khaled — the Dale Carnegie…
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A Leaked Email Exchange Between Drake And The Beard He Just Cut Off
Our crack source team has been able to find multiple leaked email conversations between celebrities such as Drake, Kanye, Drake, Meek Mill, President Obama, and Drake. They outdid themselves this time, though, by finding a conversation Drake recently had with the beard he just cut off. A condensed version of the conversation is below: From: kingofthewoes@gmail.com:…
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George Zimmerman Reminds Us (Again) That Nothing Has Killed Him, Yet
Every several months or so, George Zimmerman, a congealed collection of the pus escaping from a surgically lanced rectum boil, reminds us that he’s still not dead. He has become especially good at this; at inching his way to the recesses of our collective consciousness. And then, right when he’s on the precipice of abject irrelevance, of…
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The Stages Of Getting Dragged By A 14-Year-Old (A Short Story Inspired By Beyonce’s "Lemonade")
“Intuition” It is a mild spring day in Hamilton Heights. Gypsy cabs are zooming up and down the West Side Highway. Churros are being sold as the rooster crows. At a distance, a hate-filled bodega cat languidly stretches, and cocks its tabby ear. “I think someone is talking to about me,” it says. One paw…
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That Time Getting Hit On By A Lame Dude Made Me Sympathize With Women
Once upon a time, pretty long ago, I used to manage a nightclub in Washington, D.C. At this particular nightclub, Liv (RIP), we had a rotating list of parties throughout the week. On Friday nights, we had gay night. This was always typically a good night for us for a few different reasons: 1) Gay…
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An Investigation On Why Good Sex Sometimes Sounds Exactly Like Mac And Cheese Being Stirred
It is an indisputable fact that sex, when its good, often sounds eerily similar to a serving spoon stirring a pot of macaroni and cheese. This is something I first noticed over a decade ago while running an afterschool program and taking a trip to the kitchen where the daily meal was prepared. And seeing it…