sports
-
An Apology to Ray Lewis, Who Says He Was Praying, Not Protesting
Dearest Ray, I hope this letter finds you well. I know that you are a busy man, so I pray that I haven’t interrupted you midshuck or disturbed your daily regimen of rigorous jiving with this letter. On Sunday, seconds after someone sent me a photo of you bent prostrate during the playing of the…
-
Reunited and It Feels So Good: Can LeBron and Wade Bring the Heat of Another Championship to Cleveland?
Dwyane Wade and LeBron James created basketball magic together for the four seasons they played together on the Miami Heat, winning two championships along the way. According to a recent report, the two are poised to make magic together again, this time in Cleveland. Wade agreed to a contract buyout with the Chicago Bulls on…
-
To the Black Men Still Watching the NFL: NBA God Bill Russell Just Took a Knee
Among the pantheon of black athletes you don’t discuss negatively, Bill Russell is in the top five. All black men know that walking into a black barbershop and talking bad about Bill Russell is grounds for having your ass kicked. It’s like walking into a black church and talking bad about Jesus; it can bring…
-
Fire Chief Says Pittsburgh NFL Coach Mike Tomlin Added Himself to ‘the List of No-Good [N-Words]’
Paul Smith, the chief of Cecil Volunteer Fire Station No. 2 in Washington County, Pa., was in his feelings after Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin decided to keep all the players in the locker room during the national anthem Sunday. So Smith logged into his Facebook account and got all white-bothered and indignant and…
-
Dale Earnhardt Jr. Earns Provisional Invitation to the Cookout
A few years ago I bought a house in Darlington, S.C., a town so small that there was nothing there but a gas station, a McDonald’s, a Huddle House (a bootleg, better-tasting Waffle House—fight me) and the Darlington Raceway, a 58,000-seat NASCAR track. I was shocked to see people the same color as me wearing…
-
Car Dealership Pulls TV Ads With NFL Star Von Miller After He Takes a Knee
A Colorado car dealership curiously pulled all of its television ads featuring Denver Broncos linebacker Von Miller after he took a knee to protest the flag, the national anthem, the military, white people, Donald Trump, injustice and inequality on Sunday. The Denver Post reports that a local television station’s claims that Miller was fired as…
-
Shannon Sharpe on NFL Protest: ‘I’m Disappointed, and I’m Unimpressed’
Shannon Sharpe, the Hall of Fame former NFL tight end-turned-the most woke sports analyst to ever to do it, is back at it again dropping straight gems. Sharpe wasn’t feeling the show of NFL locked-arm unity after President Donald Trump came out and declared that any player who protested during the national anthem should be…
-
10 Things Less Disrespectful Than Kneeling During the Anthem (According to Donald Trump)
According to the twisted logic of Donald J. Trump (the “J” stands for “jerks off to pee porn”), anyone who chooses to kneel during a rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” is disrespecting the flag, hates soldiers, and was born to and raised by a bitch. While it is understandable that some are protective of the…
-
NASCAR Confirms That It’s Still the Favorite Sport of White Supremacy
NASCAR has confirmed its lifelong reign as the No. 1 sport of white supremacists, beating out tiki-torch relay racing, white Twitter-finger thuggin’ and potato-sack hopping on Donald Trump’s nuts. For that certain brand of white people who love to get wasted on PBR Bud Light and watch cars drive around in a circle really fast…
-
Ray Lewis Kneels for National Anthem Because … of Course He Would
Ray Lewis, the shucker and jiver who admitted he told his team not to hire Colin Kaepernick; the man who condemned the entire NFL national anthem protests; the dunderhead who loudly proclaimed that “All lives matter”; the Pro-Bowl stepper and Hall of Fame-level fetcher of “it”; Ray muthafucking Lewis, who couldn’t wait to bury his…